When I commit to doing something, for me, it’s serious
business. My wife even looks at me at
times like I am a little nuts. The word
“obsessive” comes out and sometimes even, “addicted.” That said, I do think it’s important to keep
your sense of humor in check. I
certainly needed it yesterday when I was on my knees huffing and puffing trying
to get through Day Two. Along those
lines, I have to come clean on a funny story for a friend who has heard me
mention it in passing but never heard the details. It goes back to my obese days…
We were on a family vacation. I was at my max weight, about 285lbs, and
very big around the middle. We went to
an amusement park. Let me say, right at
the top of this, that obese people have a difficult time gauging exactly how
big they are. I know I did. There was a time when I bumped into a lot of
stuff because I was certain, looking at a doorway or some other restricted
passage, that there was room for both me and everyone else. Obese people actually look at things and think
they can fit like a normal person.
That’s why you get jammed in when they come sit next to you on a bus or
a train…they truly think they can fit.
Absent a measuring tape or a camera, you can’t prove it to them…but it’s
true.
So there I was in the amusement park looking at a ride
called ‘Nightwing.’ I have loved
rollercoaster and spinning rides since I was a kid. This one was unique. It’s based on the Batman movie and is meant
to simulate flying…flying horizontally like Superman. Every passenger lays on it on their stomach
and gets pancaked into the thing. If you
need a mental image, visualize a huge waffle iron and you being a waffle. There’s a top section that has to snap into
place, squeezing down on you and holding you horizontally, and safely, in
place.
So me, the obese person that I was, decided to try it. This was summer. In an amusement park. In a tourist mecca. The line was very long. Let’s just say that the heat must have made
me delusional because I clearly had enough time in line for reality and physics
to creep in somewhere. But it
didn’t. I stood in that line and waited
and waited, until it was my turn.
Finally, I was next.
You know how parks hire college kids in the off-season? This one was no different. Two enterprising and athletic looking youths
were running the ride. “Come right this
way, sir!” Who the hell was ‘sir?’ I’m not that old. That’s what I was thinking as I stepped up
and laid myself into the bottom of the black wing shaped waffle iron.
Now, I was one of the last people to get on the ride. The wings are in pairs, side by side and they
like family members and friends to ride together. I noticed that the one to my left was
empty. Now, if you have ever waited in
the heat of summer to get on an amusement park ride, you know that by the time
you get on the damn thing, your patience is fried. Also, this particular ride was black. It had been sitting in the sun all day. So everyone was laying on the temperature
equivalent of black asphault in the form of this winged ride. With everyone looking on in anticipation, the
two kids finally got to me and started to push down the top and snap it into
place.
As the top comes down and squishes me, I am laying there
listening for the familiar snap of the safety harness. The one I heard from every other rider as I
was laying there. Nothing. I kind of want to hear the snap because I
know that it is the only thing stopping me from becoming the unwilling
participant in a Road Runner cartoon as I fly across the park through the
sky. These kids push down harder…NO
snap. Not to look away from a challenge,
and notwithstanding that there is an actual human being under him, one of the
kids climbs on top. He is now using his
body weight to push down the top onto me.
Through compressed lungs I squeal, “That’s okay, I can get
off!”
The other kid, the one NOT on top, looks at me assuredly and
says, “Don’t worry man, we have gotten fatter people than you to fit.”
Now I am looking around at the faces of the other people,
now clearly melting in their 120 degree waffle irons. They are wishing I would die. Based on how much lung capacity I have left
as the kid hops up and down on my back, I just might. Everyone on the ride and in line is looking
at this spectacle. My wife and kids are
outside the fenceline watching me and they are in hysterics. Some are clearly very mad that I am holding
this whole thing up. I’m not easily
embarrassed, but this is pretty close to the highlight of my life.
Finally, the kid on top looks at the other one and says, “I
don’t think this is gonna work.” I
breathe a sigh of relief. I can get off
this damn thing and stop being the elephant in the circus. Then he says, “I think this car is
broken.” Oh, crap. Really?!
Come on kid…I’m TOO BIG FOR THE RIDE!!
“Come on sir, hop in this one right here.” I look at him, “Really, it’s okay, I can
leave.” “No, no, one of the cars was
busted, I think this is the one. Get in
this one.” Now the people on the ride
are really mad and the people waiting are laughing harder.
The same process happens again. No snap.
More time passes. The other kid,
slightly bigger, hops on top this time.
SNAP!! Really? Did I hear right? God, I hope I did. This thing better be fastened. They both smile. Conquering heroes. One looks at the other, “I knew I could do
it, man.”
It’s one thing to make yourself an obstacle to your own
health, it’s another to put out others in the process, but it takes the cake
when you become an athletic event and you are the goal.
The ride was really very cool but I will say that I began to
look at my relative size a bit differently that day. It was funny.
My condition wasn’t, but what happened that day was.
You have to keep your sense of humor. Life is too short. But if you don’t take your physical condition
seriously, it may be shorter than you think.
Tonight….Insanity workout number three!!
THE WORKOUT
Cardio Recovery.
Thirty three minutes?? Oh, cmon!!
I was ready tonight. Really, really,
ready. Tonight was a ‘recovery’
night. The workout was not very intense
at all. It was a smattering of last
night. I have to say, my calves did hurt
from the past two nights. So, I probably
got some benefit out of not hopping, jumping and leaping around. However, I LIKE working out and when I put in
the time, I want it to count.
The Cardio Recovery is only 33 minutes long. So, I threw in P90X Chest, Shoulders and
Triceps (the first half). I have decided
that I enjoyed P90X and the muscle workouts so much that, in addition to doing
AbRipperX three mornings a week, on two mornings I will do half of P90X Chest,
Shoulders one day and Tri’s and then do half of Back and Biceps the other day. On week two, I will do the second half. So, tonight I threw in P90X CST part
one. Then I did the treadmill for 25
minutes. I have to feel like I really
worked out. The last two nights have
been intense. I wasn’t looking forward
to another intense night and then really put myself in a state of mind for
it. Then it didn’t happen. So I compensated. Okay, AbRipperX in the AM and back to the
Insanity grind tomorrow night.
As for tonight, the exercises were not Cardio intense. They were, however, real muscle burners. A lot of the leg dips burned pretty good
toward the end of the exercise. The one
thing I am having issue with on these DVD’s is being able to see the exercise
and doing it with good form while also rushing to do it. Some of the stretching is rushed and I need
to make sure I am using good form. My
advice would be to watch these things ahead of time before you do them.
One more piece of valuable advice. Your calves.
Mine have been hurting at the top of my calf, behind my knee. I left some messages on the Beachbody message
board and apparently this is very common and well known. If you think you might have calf weakness,
you might want to do some calf stretches prior to the workout. Okay, time to turn in.
See ya tomorrow.
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