Selfishly Selfless

I go through life with a different perspective (I think) than most. I take a lot of things in this life seriously. I view those things, however, with a sense of humor that reflects society’s response to those same things. I do this because I have grown to realize that I live in this grand fishbowl with about 6 billion people and my view has about as much a shot at carrying weight as I do of winning the Powerball lottery. So in my small mind, levity is very important. I always write this blog with that in consideration. That said, today is not one of those days.

While the act of going on a diet is funny, and being on the diet is a laugh, and watching others on THEIR diets can be hysterical, my reasons for going on the diet are not funny at all. I took this diet with the utmost seriousness. The conditions that I experienced, leading up to my decision to go on this diet, were conditions that way too many people experience every day. They are conditions that, if ignored, can end your life.

Consider the fatal diseases that obesity (and while I was two tiny classification points from that term, I still put myself in that class) can cause. Congestive Heart Failure. Ever heard a real big person wheezing as they type on a keyboard? It’s not really an activity one would call exercise…so that person is dying. Enlarged Heart, from pushing the massive body around. Pulmonary Embolism, a blockage that can be caused by clot, or fat, or clumped cells and fluid. The circulatory instability can cause death. GERD, more commonly known as Acid Reflux, when untreated, can cause esophageal cancer. You get GERD (many people) from a gut that hangs so heavy in front of you that it actually bends your esophagus enough to break the natural seal between it and your stomach. When that happens, stomach acid backs into your esophagus and over time, can cause cancer. Fatty Liver Disease. Chronic Renal Failure. Skin Infections such as Carbuncles and Cellulitus. Stroke. Many types of Sleep Apnea. Get the picture? These are just the ones that can kill you. There are many others that just make you feel like crap. All the time.

So what did I have? Let’s see. GERD. Back issues with two cervical areas. Sinus issues (which happen when your immune system is overloaded). Edema (swelling that could lead to Lymph edema). Varicose veins. Yes, I know. It’s a real pretty picture. Not to even mention the way I could sweat through clothes just from a stroll around the neighborhood.

Let’s talk about some other items. Ever broken furniture? I have. Lots of it. Everything from wooden dining room chairs to outdoor lounges. Ever had a resin chair just shatter from under you? I mean so many pieces you need a broom to pick it all up? Ever been to a theme park where you couldn't fit on the ride? I have a funny story about that, but not today. Ever been to an old stadium like Fenway Park in Boston? It was made in the early 1900’s when people were not as big on eating for ‘entertainment’ as they are today. Try squeezing your ass in between the metal handles of a circa 1900 ballpark seat. Good luck. Is the picture a little more clear now?

Some have a good sense of humor about this. I did. I can laugh at myself and my shortcomings. I especially could when it was about my weight. I think it was because I always had in the back of my mind that I could lose it if I wanted to. I have been big most of my life but have lost a large amount of weight enough times to feel like it was a matter I could control. 95% of all overweight and super-overweight, do not have that feeling of confidence and control. That said, it is my opinion that when you make the decision to do something about your weight and for whatever reason drove it, that you should go at it with the seriousness that it merits. Something pushed you to that point. Don’t forget what it was.

I have a 13 year old daughter and an 11 year old son. I hope someday to be there to walk her down the aisle. I want to be able to go sailing and hiking alone with my son and maybe even share a beer (when he is old enough) and laughs with him. I want to be able to play with my grandchildren someday with the same enjoyment that I played with my own two kids because even though they are still young, I miss that time more than I can say. The diseases that go with obesity are fatal. They are in my way. They are in yours.

My very first class for the Miriam Hospital Weight Management Program was shocking. The subject of the meeting was how to live your life around people who just “have to feed you and won’t take no for an answer.” Seriously. How to exist around people who make foods “just for you” and think you should “just try some.” I listened to this being discussed by several women until I chimed in. I felt funny because this was my first class. I had lost zero pounds at this point and was the new person. But I jumped right in.

“I just need to clarify what I am hearing. Are you saying that you tell people you don’t want the food? You tell them that you are on a diet. And they still stick it in your face?” I said confusedly.

“Yes”, she said.

The behavior specialist said, “There are nice proper ways to handle this situation.”

I jumped in, “why?”

“Why what?” she said.

“Why be nice?” I responded. “Look, take a good look around this room. This isn't a game. I have listened to many of you today. You are here to remedy a situation that is jeopardizing your health and taking away quality years of your life. This is a hard thing for all of you. I haven’t lost weight yet on this diet but I have dieted successfully before. When someone asks me if I want food, the first time, I am polite in declining. When those offers continue and become taunts, being nice goes right out the window. I have no obligation to be nice anymore. The second time, they will get an appropriate glare from me. The third time, my response will be unforgettable for them and I guarantee it won’t happen again. You are doing something that will be positive for you and everyone else around you…and you better start being selfish about it. If you don’t, this diet is going to be long, it will hurt, and it may not be successful.”

The meeting ended shortly thereafter. I don’t know if any of them got my message. I know this though…I went into that diet to win. I went into it to be healthy and more importantly, to stay that way for the first time in my life. I hoped everyone understood. The months to come would tell me that some did understand but, unfortunately, many didn’t. I hope, if you are reading this, that you do.

More to come.

Blogger's Note: The photo above was taken by a very talented photographer friend of ours, Judith Laliberte.

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