P90X: "Seeing a New Me" Day 15 of 90

Today is the first day of week three.  I did Core Synergistics for the third time.  Very few times did I have to hit 'pause'.  I typically do this if giving my all was really exerting or if the exercise we are about to do requires me to see it before I do it.  I have seen all the exercises, so I really only need to be reminded of the moves.  I am at a point where I really don't want to miss even one rep because I had to watch Tony.  I decided that since the reps were all being done, that I would make a concerted effort to not hit pause and try to blow through the next set.  Anything to up the intensity.

Why am I feeling this way about the workouts?  Because whether this "works or not" is not even a question anymore.  Neither is whether I can do it.  I have the answer to both questions.

I know it seems stupid to ask if it works.  But to be absolutely honest, to see people who make their living doing and selling exercise as a lifestyle leaves doubt in your mind if a 'regular person' can look like them.  I am seeing a level in my own performance, and a look to my body, that I have never had.  It's pretty exciting and amazing.  I am dropping the weight, my pants are already baggier and my shirts fit differently.  There are areas of my body where I have always had the 'extra' and, although I have lost a lot of weight in the past four years, I had convinced myself that I couldn't get rid of it.  It was 'excess skin' or something like that.  You know what?  I was wrong.  It is going away.  I find myself really looking forward to Day 90...and contemplating how to keep this going.  It is working.

I struggled with wondering if I could do it.  I am in very good shape for a 50 year old man.  But 50 year old men who just started working out at 46 are NOT on this video.  Tony Horton has done this forever.  There are gymnasts, ex-marines, and other young fitness dynamos all backing him up.  Nowhere in there do I see my profile.  So you, of course, ask yourself the question.  Can I do this?  Oh, then of course is the warning on the DVD's.  "This is an extreme workout program"...and so forth.  Scared yet?  So I plowed right in and just followed along.  I am at a point where, with the exception of one thing, I am able to do the entire program.

What is that one thing?  If you are following my blog, you know it was my shoulder popping from the pull ups.  I now know that when I dropped, I put a shocking, full weight drop on my shoulder.  It was a slight shoulder separation.  My shoulder feels fine now and it seems ready to continue.  I will be adjusting to the bands hanging from the pullup bar until my shoulder strength equates the lower body strength.  My physical condition was extremely out of balance...which in all likelihood led to my trip to the chiropractor five weeks ago.  But at the end of the day, I can do everything on this DVD.  I can also do some things at a pace and using weights that only Tony Horton is doing.  I can do it.

Lastly, I am seeing a new me.  When I do the workouts, I am feeling a lot stronger.  Better strength, better stability, more endurance.  But also, I am changing.  I can see something happening that I have never done before.  I am pushing through a level that I never expected.  It makes every week exciting and it makes the work involved so rewarding that it is ceasing to become work.

So, if you are following this blog and are considering this program.  You can do it.  It is work...but it is really good and rewarding work.

P90X: "Sleeping the Weight Off?!" Day 14 of 90

How important is sleep in your life?  I don’t sleep enough.  I know that.  I go to bed between 12 and 12:30AM on the weekdays and am up by 6 to 6:30AM.  So I get 6 hours on a good night.  On the weekends, I do a little better and get a full 7-8 hrs of sleep.  I know it's not good for me.  I also know that, when dieting and/or working out, it is essential, but for me, even harder.  I exercise after work and after I eat.  So I exercise between 8PM and 9:30PM.  I am usually so jazzed up that I can’t fall asleep until midnight.

So goes my conundrum.  I need the sleep, but I can’t sleep.

Why is sleep so important?  Let’s start with the diet reasons first.

When you diet (and I am going to assume you are exercising with this diet…as I have prescribed), you still have this issue of making it through your day with the diet intact.  Many things mess with this from stress to fatigue.  It is very important to have the right chemical balance in your body during the day for metabolism.  That includes the right foods and the right amount of water in your body.  When we are tired, many of us increase our alertness through stimulants.  The stimulant of choice for most of the world is caffeine in the form of coffee, tea, and (I’ll never adjust to this one) soda.  The problem with these stimulants is that they dehydrate you.  You may get an artificial energy boost, but you will deplete your system of the water necessary to the liver to process the fats efficiently.  You also are robbing your muscles of a key ingredient in the rebuilding and, if you exercise later, exercise part of your diet.  Proper rest will ensure you have enough alertness and energy to do without some of the stimulants.

Another thing that the low sleep habit does is give you more hours of awake time.  When you are awake, you have more hours to possibly grab a snack and throw down unneeded food/fuel. 

Just go to sleep and let your body replenish itself using what you have in the storage tanks.  Those are the fuel supplies you are trying to get rid of anyway!

Now, on a good exercise program, like P90X or something else where you are really putting the work on your body, a good night’s sleep is necessary and essential.  This is where I get into the biochemical brain processes.  This process happens all the time, even in some of the lighter exercise programs, but I didn’t want to scare off those who are simply interested in losing some weight but not excellent physical condition.  I want to stress though, all the reasons I am about to mention are the primary reasons your body needs sleep…diet or no diet.

The four things happening when you sleep are:  (a) growth hormone is produced, (b) protein synthesis occurs, (c) energy consumption is reduced, and (d) your brain recharges.

Why are these important?

Growth hormone is produced.  Any exercise that you are doing, particularly P90X, requires a degree of repair for the body.  Human growth hormone is the necessary ingredient for this.  Nearly 60-70% of all human growth hormone release happens in the deep sleep cycle.  If you are not sleeping long enough to get into the deep sleep level (often called the REM part of the sleep cycle), you are not producing the growth hormone required for bodily repair.  If you are doing very physically demanding workouts, this can actually be damaging.  The REM sleep cycle is also where your body restores your organs, bones and tissue as well as replenishing those immune cells.  There is a reason many of us with poor sleep habits get sick…we compromise our own immune systems.  The HGH is a very necessary ingredient in the diet/exercise cycle.

Protein Synthesis occurs.  When you exercise, if you are doing more than walking your dog, you are breaking down muscle.  As I said earlier in this blog, the human machine is the most marvelous machine ever observed.  It is the only one that gets more efficient through use.  The reason for this is that, during sleep, it restores itself.  Protein synthesis is one of the prime ways it does that.  When your muscle restores itself, it repairs the damaged areas and you end up stronger in those places.  Stronger.  If that synthesis does not occur, you just keep breaking down the machine until it crashes.  You are trying to make yourself stronger.  Rest.

Energy Consumption is reduced.  Physically demanding exercise routines require a good amount of effort .  You need to be able to call on your body’s physical resources and really push them.  If your body’s energy consumption is high due to a long day’s activity or improper sleep to recharge, you will tire faster and not be able to complete the exercise.  You will quit early, if not altogether.  This also leads to the reliance on stimulants during the day.  Avoid this if you are interested in the diet/exercise cycle required to take the weight off.

Your brain recharges.  Of the four, this one usually gets the “so what?” response.  Motivation.  You need to be motivated to do exercise.  You also need it to get through your work day.  Recharging the brain restores the alertness and motivation required.  When you are tired, or get tired, your body produces something called Adenosine.  The Adenosine tells your brain that it is time to recharge.  The Adenosine is also a neurotransmitter that tells your body to produce more ADP.  ADP is the energy storage molecules that power your body’s biochemical reactions inside cells.  You are tired, the Adenosine kicks the ADP, which begins to push your body for more energy because you should be sleeping, but you are not.  Your body only can do this for so long.  You also use ADP when you work out.  The same biochemical reactions that you need to stay awake will also be needed during exercise…but they will be close to depleted or overworked.  You are going to not work out as hard and may even opt not to work out...because you are “shot.”

So, it is easy to see why sleep is not just important, but essential to any diet/weight loss program.  We need it to stay alert and motivated, but the exercise that we should be doing regularly also requires that our bodies sleep for restoration.

Saying the “why” is the easy part.  Now, can you go to sleep?  It is not as easy as it looks!

Today is break day.  Perhaps I will just treadmill and do the Ab Ripper.  We’ll see.  The body does need rest you know!!!

P90X: "'Your Liver and Your Weight - Pt 2" Day 13 of 90

Quick update on the shoulder ‘pop’ I heard last night.  It is sore, not painful.  It only hurts with a very specific motion.  I won’t need that motion for a few days, and it is really a strain only when extending my left arm over my head and pulling back in.  I have the BenGay on it again this morning and somebody is going to have clear sinuses going up to Boston.  It won’t discourage me.  I’ll work around this until it feels strong again.  I will keep those following this blog up to date.

So…back to the liver.  We covered artificial sweeteners…one of my pet peeve issues.

What else is a toxin that will inhibit your liver’s functioning?  Alcohol.  Everyone knows that alcohol is processed in the liver.  So when you drink, you occupy your liver with something other than fat burning.  A well known side effect of alcohol is that it breaks down your will power and throws your insulin production off.  Many sweet alcohol drinks cause the same autonomic insulin response as artificial sweeteners.  I know when I drink, I end up snacking on something sweet…maybe several things…after drinking booze and before bed.  Then, you’re sleeping.  No activity.  Your liver is burning off the alcohol and the sweets are going straight to whatever your problem areas are.  As your liver works extra hard on the non-food, the real food stuff takes a back seat.  What’s more important?...getting the chemicals out of your body or taking care of your energy use/storage issues?  Alcohol is poison.  Your body makes that a priority.

What else is bad for the liver?  Processed sugars.  Sugar in any form will kick off the insulin response and your liver will attempt to use the sugar for whatever the body needs at the time.  The insulin gets to work breaking down the sugar for cell absorption.  If you are an inactive person, guess where it goes?  Yes, stored for future use.  That’s no problem.  Our bodies not only have plenty of places for storage but we actually can manufacture little cell globules and store that energy in there.  The miracle of the physical machine is that it actually can balance those little globules all over your body so you don’t notice them too much.  A little in front, a little in the arms and thighs, and a little behind…until the behind ‘ain’t so little no more.’  Those globules are called fat…but you knew that.

Not all sugar is made alike.  Some sugars are in foods that are more fibrous.  Complex carbohydrates that take a while to break down.  It is harder for that breakdown to occur and it requires time.  Your insulin has to work for longer periods until it converts those carbs to energy.  If you are not that active, that is not too bad with these types of sugars.  The longer breakdown cycle can begin to somewhat match your activity cycle and less sugar will be stored as you go about your day. 

Other sugars have been manufactured by man or are processed (refined) in such a way as to make them very easily digested in the body.  Mankind has actually done the job of insulin before the sugar gets into your body.  The problem with these sugars is that they convert to energy so fast that your body can’t use the fuel right away.  Your body immediately goes into storage mode for the excess.  Pump up those little globules of fat again.

A dangerous side effect is that processed sugars, like High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFC) for example, require very little insulin for absorption into the cells.  Your body doesn’t know that though.  It produces the same amount of insulin initially, but you only use a little of it.  So you have all this insulin in your body and nothing for it to do.  Why don’t you send it some sugar?  No sense wasting it.  That’s the message your body gets in the form of cravings.  So you eat MORE sweet things.  That kicks the insulin cycle once more and you start all over.  It will take a while for the cycle to naturally fizzle out.  Ever wonder why “you can’t eat just one?”  This is one of the big reasons why.

So, you ask, why not just deny your body the sugar and let the insulin just wander around aimlessly in your body until it depletes itself?  That happens.  The problem is that the physical machine is always seeking balance..and the eating style I have outlined (while it sounds like most of us) is anything but balanced.  So to achieve balance, our bodies stop producing so much insulin.  You are always crying wolf with all that alcohol, HFC, processed sugar and artificial sweeteners…you don’t need the insulin.  So your body eventually stops producing it.  Then when you really need it, it’s not there.  That has a special name.  It’s called insulin resistance and is the first stage of Type II diabetes.  Congratulations, you have just caused a condition that usually is the result of some kind of physical defect in the body.

So...with all this going on, well, your liver is pretty damn busy.  Energy distribution is last on the list.  You’re not really active anyway so there is truly no need for the energy.  Let’s just bury that for future use.  Guess where you are burying it?

One more thing.  All that liver use for things other than what it was designed for can actually damage it.  You aren’t Superman/Supergirl you know.  Fatty liver, cirrhosis of the liver…all conditions you could avoid if you understood the fuel you are feeding into the human machine.

How do you stop messing up this process in your body?  Avoid refined sugars especially HFC.  Avoid alcohol.  Moderation is key.  Avoid toxic things in your food as well as outright toxic food (artificial sweeteners) and eat more complex carbohydrates so you use the energy and store less of it as fat.  Oh yeah, exercise.  If you are using the fuel the put into your body, you won’t have any left to store.  USE THE FUEL!

Love your liver.  It will pay dividends for you.

Tonight…Kempo X.  Should be okay with the twingy shoulder.  It’s just a little pain, not injury.  Later!

[later that night]

Kempo X felt good.  Shoulder is still tender.  A few moves were a little jarring...the left jab was tough.  I know exactly what moves will be challenging to the shoulder now.  I am going to talk to the Chiropractor just to get a little advice on what I may have messed up.  The good news...my chiro is also doing P90X.  So he knows exactly what the exercises are.  That aspect of the program is really a neat coincidence...I have a chiropractor working with me!  Other than that, two weeks down and when I looked in the mirror this AM...I really am starting to look different.  Can't wait to see in four weeks!

P90X: "'Diet' is a stupid word!" Day 12 of 90

One of the most incorrectly used words by people every day is ‘diet.’  “Are you on a diet?”  “Wow, you really are following that diet.”  “I can’t diet.”

What is a diet?  It’s not a thing.  It is also not a verb.  “I am dieting.”  Many want you to believe it is…but it is not.  A diet is the fuel that you put in your body.  It’s really that simple.  These famous diets are nothing more than lists of food.  “Ohhh, I like that diet.”  That should really translate to, “That list of food looks good to me.”

No one needs to be on a ‘diet.’  You do, however, need to know how your body operates and what food works well in it.  You also need to think objectively about what you are using as fuel and why.

Most people equate ‘diet’ with weight loss…or being in shape.  Do people who work out ‘diet?’  By my definition they do.  Why?  Because when you are burning a ton of calories and trying to turn the physical machine into a more efficient mechanism, you want to put things in it that help the process.  Is it a ‘diet?’  Not really.  It’s not a diet for the same reason that you wouldn’t put sand in a car gas tank.  Is your car on a ‘diet?’  Probably not.  Putting sand in it is just plain stupid.  You need the stinking car to get around everyday…why would you mess it up?  Do you have any idea how much it will cost me to replace the car? 

Are you getting the picture?  Start thinking that way about your body.

If there is one area or organ in your body that you should be concerned about, it’s your liver.  This is one of the most vital organs in your body.  Next to your heart and your brain, it is the one organ you cannot live without.  It filters all the toxins from your body.  It also is the main processing center for your body’s fat.  Fat storage and fat mutation into energy that your body can use.  Poor liver production equals inefficient fat processing…which means weight issues and cholesterol issues.  Through insulin (produced in the pancreas), the liver also assists with the regulation of the sugar in your body.  Sugar can either be used or stored as fat.  Insulin is used by your body to break down consumed sugar and help it to get into your physical machine for energy.  If your body has too much insulin running around with no sugar to work on, your brain gets the message, “Send me down more sugar!”  Hence, cravings.

“If my liver’s job is to regulate the sugars and fats in my body and burn that stuff for energy, I want that to be its number one job priority.”

Yes, we all do.  Not so fast.  There are many things we do daily that mess up proper liver function.  The first one has to do with toxins in our environment and the second is toxins in our food.  You can’t help the first but you can avoid the second one with some work.  Your liver has a fixed amount of time every day just like when you go to work.  If you spend 5 hours of your 8 hour work day doing task A and task B is the priority, well, your year-end review isn’t going to be so sunny.

If you can avoid toxins, you can leave your liver to focus on weight regulation as its priority. You have to avoid environmental toxins.  Okay, got it.  We all try to make sure we do that one.

You should avoid toxins in your food.  The more processed the food you eat, the more exposure to toxins you will have.  Want to know the toxin I hate most?  Aspartame.  Nutra-Sweet.  Call it whatever you want.  Whooooaaa.  Wait just a minute here!  That is diet food.  DIET food…right.  Yeah, right.

So you ingest a Diet Coke or Pepsi.  It’s supposed to be good for you.  The sweet taste hits your tongue and your pancreas starts producing insulin.  Not because there is sugar….because, like Pavlov’s dogs, it THINKS sugar is coming.  Your body is trained (after years of sugar ingestion) to produce insulin as an autonomic response to a sweet taste on your tongue!  But no sugar is coming.  Then the aspartame hits your blood stream.  Aspartame is aspartic acid and methanol.  It’s a chemical compound.  It’s toxic and was actually classified as such before the big money lobbyists got the FDA to overturn its decision.  So this toxin has to be processed by the liver.  The liver has to work three times as hard to process the chemical as it would a normal food.  So it’s busy.  Your fat disposal can wait.  Sorry.  Oh…all that insulin dancing around in your blood stream?  You remember, the stuff that started flowing when the fake chemical sugar hit your tongue?  It needs sugar.  The cravings start…and then you break down and grab a donut, or candy, something, ANYTHING.  The cravings are annoying.  Now there is sugar running around for the insulin.  But the liver is busy…and overworked.  So the sugar starts to become fat as your body decides it should be stored.  Lipids are formed and cholesterol spikes.

“But it was a DIET Coke or Pepsi!!”  Yeah, right.  “But I did all this to LOSE weight!”  I know.  The truth is painful.  Why do you think our national obsession with ‘diet’ is associated with so much angst?

My train just pulled in.  Sorry.  Tomorrow, Part Two.

[later that night]

I sit here doused in BenGay.  I was doing the Legs and Shoulders.  I got into hanging position to do my pullups...did one...then...'pop'.  You could hear it.  It felt like a muscle in my left shoulder slid around bone and released suddenly.  It wasn't a tear.  But it definitely was painful.  I couldn't do anything strenuous with the left shoulder.  I substituted curls and presses for the pullups...the hanging motion was causing pain.  Later, in the rep cycle, I hung and stretched the muscle.  I put tension on it.  The pain started to subside.  I think I will be okay. I completed the workout.  Took some Aleve and now I am watching Survivor and my left shoulder is hot with BenGay.  Let you know tomorrow how it turns out!!

P90X: "I Was Obese!" Day 11 of 90

Today, my body sent me a message.  “Sore.”  I didn’t think I would look forward to that, but it was a great thing to feel this AM.  Why?  Because when I did the Arms and Shoulders and the AbRipper X last night, I knew I had given it my all.  I couldn’t lift another thing when I was done.  But I recovered quickly.  So, I was left wondering if I had worked hard enough.  This morning my body said, “Yes, you have.”  So that was great.  Tonight is Yoga X, which I now know is a 90 minute Yoga workout.  Last week I left 20 minutes of it on the floor but not tonight.  Tonight we move onward and upward.

I am reading this book called Ultrametabolism.  It is an excellent book.  I really like it because it tells you a lot about how the body functions and processes everything.  I know a lot about it, but you always learn something more.  It also tells you how you burn fat and use your calories.  I think it feels great to be working this hard on P90X but proper nutrition is essential and understanding the human machine is extremely helpful.

This past weekend, I ran into more people fighting the weight battle.  It isn’t hard really.  Parties tend to bring that out.  Parties have food.  Food brings guilt.  Really overweight and obese people tend to make comments as they guiltily take the food.  Things like, “I’ll do better tomorrow” or “I really worked out hard today.”  My favorite is, “You only go around once, right?”  Right.  I don’t really believe that, but let’s say I did.  If you only have one shot at all this beautiful world has to offer, why spend that shot miserable?

I went to get a slice of cake.  At the table, three people who were pretty big were sitting together.  I grabbed the knife to cut a slice and someone said, “It’s already sliced.”  The pieces were cut into almost three inch by three inch squares.  I just looked at it.  “Not for me it isn’t,” I said with a smile.  I then cut a smaller slice that could be enjoyed but didn’t have to count as a full meal replacement in calories.  Then came the sarcastic remark with a snarl.  Yes, a snarl.  “Why bother?” 

Really?  That kind of remark can only result in a response that is going to be offensive.  I just smiled and said, “I don’t need that much.”  Truly, no one does.  Not after two hours of appetizers and a catered dinner.  I could have just whipped out my iPhone and showed them my before and after shots and say, “Because four years ago, I looked like you.”

That would have been very mean.  Not entirely inappropriate given the comment made to me, but mean.  Even the response I gave felt awkward.  It always sounds preachy.  The further I get from 2008, the more preachy it sounds.  The comments made toward me about being in shape and being careful about what I eat are always judgmental and sometimes even hurtful.  Intentionally. It’s as though, after losing 85 lbs, keeping myself in shape was just the easiest thing in the world.  Actually, it’s the hardest part.  Losing the weight is actually the second hardest thing.  The real battle starts when the weight is gone.  Now what?  Let’s see if you can change permanently.  THAT takes work.  But when people are having a problem, taking the first step, that conversation is just fiction.

What I really wanted to say was something that would be helpful.  Encouraging.

So I heard someone tell a story later about "Jane."  She was sitting next to the person who had made the remark.  "She lost 25 lbs on Weight Watchers but is having a hard time right now."  I can imagine that if you have a weight problem, sitting in front of neatly sliced, 27 cubic inch pieces of white bread, lard and sugar will do that.  The 25 lbs were a great achievement but it was only the beginning of the journey for her.  Weight Watchers is a fine program but there is one thing that I had to ask.  I always ask it.  “Does she exercise?”  I knew the answer already.

“No, she doesn’t like to.”

“She’s plateauing.  Without exercise, her metabolic rate is slowing to adjust to the fuel intake.  Once this happens, she will not make progress, be hungry and be miserable.  The ‘diet’ is doomed.”

When I was on my Optifast Diet, I lost 75-80 lbs in just under 4 months.  It came off at about 5 lbs per week.   I lost another 5 when the diet was over as I started to really exercise and take in enough food to make the physical engine run hotter.  It was a 900 calorie per day diet and there were people on that diet who could not lose weight.  900 calories per DAY.  Every week, you heard the same sob stories.  I would get the same looks of envy and, yes, anger as they could see my program was working.  I knew one thing about their failure…it was almost surely that they did not exercise.  Every diet fails without exercise.  EVERY DIET FAILS WITHOUT EXERCISE.  Even a 900 calorie diet.  Your metabolism slows to accommodate the caloric intake and has no reason not to without exercise.  The lower the calories, the more torturous the diet.

I know what I am talking about.  But as I said, the further I get from being fat, the less credible my story is.  No matter what I say, every large person knows that I am lying and that I found the solution and I am selfishly keeping it to myself.  It’s as though I found some miracle cure and I won’t share it.

Want to know a secret?  I will share it with you today because today is Valentine's Day. I did find the cure.  It’s called exercise.  And even though I am doing P90X right now, that is not the exercise that has helped me keep the weight off.  This is new for me.  All you need to do is some form of physical exertion for 30-40 minutes per day.  That's it.  That and understanding what your body needs and giving that to your body.  That’s all.  But no one will believe it.  I just want to shout at them…

 “I WAS OBESE!”

[later that night]

To my word, I left NO Yoga X on the floor tonight.  Did it all.  Struggle through some of the last leg exercises.  There are definitely some exercises that I kick butt in and some that kick me back.  I can feel improvement in all phases.  To cool down after my 90 mins of YOGA, I did about 25 mins on the treadmill at 4.2mph.  It's a pretty good pace and it looses things up for sleep.

I don't talk about my eating much on this blog.  I pretty much have the same thing every day.  1 cup of Oatmeal with 1 cup of Natural Apple Sauce.  Two cups coffee with skim milk.  Salad at lunch with maybe 2 ounces of chicken and fish...the rest of the salad in greens and olives.  One cup coffee in the afternoon with one 120 cal Nutrigrain bar (that's my sweet).  Shakeology at dinner with one protein bar.  Handfull of nuts about 9:30PM.  That's pretty much it with water all day long.

P90X: "Obsession Versus Addiction" Day 10 of 90

I have been pursuing this P90X project with the same fervor that I pursue anything that I set my sights on.  I work hard at it until I either achieve it, or burn out.  And the burning out isn’t usually an aborted launch…it’s a fiery crash of a rocket that is trying to break the atmosphere.  I am seeing changes in my body that I never thought I would see.  Muscles are showing up in places where I have never seen them in my life.  There is a spot over my hipbone where my abs are creating a separation through definition and I can really feel hipbone on muscle.  I have never hit this zone of physical fitness before.  Never.

As one could imagine, the more progress I see, the more fuel it gives to the effort.

This is all happening primarily due to the exercise regime.  My diet has changed a little, but not materially.  I am doing the Shakeology and protein bar meal replacement for one meal.  But I have been pretty careful about what I eat since I lost my 80 lbs about three to four years ago.  I am, however, exercising more with this P90X than ever.  And I am doing it comfortably in my own home.  I do have a tight focus on the workouts and on completing them.  I also am focused on how they are changing me, both physically and emotionally.

So when I heard this weekend, “When you start something, you always get obsessed with it,” I took pause.  With the untimely death of Whitney Houston, and the growing evidence that it was her demons with addiction that may very well have been her demise, I have been thinking a lot about the thing inside us that drives us to our obsessions or addictions.  I know one thing, I can speculate, but I won’t have a lot of answers.  If I did, I would be a zillionaire with the cure to something that impacts so many people.  So today's blog is me, thinking out loud, with no answers.

Are addictions and obsessions the same thing, just with results that are perceived as either positive or negative?

The only way for me to contemplate this question is through my own eyes and experiences.  I have known addiction and known obsession.  Each has affected my life in some profound way either through personal experience or exposure.

I think that every soul in this life is in search of meaning.  Why am I here and what am I supposed to do?  Some people are very self-aware in this regard.  Other people just go about their lives every day, not asking themselves that question so directly, but doing what they believe is the right path and making choices.  They make choices that feel normal but are really just trying to answer that question.  For some of us, there may be a life changing event( an epiphany of sorts) that opens our eyes to something new and different and we decide to make our ‘meaning’ choices consciously.  For others, that epiphany never comes and they will continue to make choices that feel like they are answering the question, but are somewhat blind without that roadmap.

I believe everyone’s ‘meaning’ is different.  Some of us are seeking personal achievement, some affinity, some to be of help to others, and some are just seeking peace of mind from something causing them stress or pain.  The fact that the goals are so different only confuses how we look at each other and our mutual journeys.  It’s easy to judge from your own set of rules and standards.  But if you looked at the other person’s journey through what THEY are seeking in life, you may draw different conclusions.  I think that for those who are self-aware of the meanings they are trying to pursue in their lives, the vigor is only increased.  Once you know where you think you need to be, you can go full speed ahead…and you can end up in an obsession or addiction.

I think there are ‘signs’ or ‘markers’ along the way that some of us will look at with keen self- awareness.  Those signs aren’t always good ones.  We also see those signs through our own perceptions, so a sign can say the same thing for two people but mean something different to both.  How we react to the signs in our lives is what determines our direction.

If someone's drive for a certain state, ie. release from pressure or a situation that they cannot control, results in them using something which initially helps but then so completely takes over their body that they cannot stop, then the obsession to find relief results in addiction.  There are bodybuilders who are trying for peak condition who get addicted to the drugs that may help them achieve that state. 

Ultimately, I think the initial path to find our meaning, be it achievement of something monumental or simply peace of mind, starts the same way.  It starts with obsession.  The need to find meaning or relief.  If the path is one that comes with destructive behavior (drugs, alcohol, etc.) then you end up with addiction.  I think the key difference is that you can complete a goal you are obsessed about.  You can stop the drive.  To stop an addiction, which is a physical illness, takes something even stronger than obsession to wind your way out of…and it is a battle you can never stop fighting.

So maybe, obsession and addiction are two sides to the same coin. It's just the path to your goal that determines whether you end up in an addiction situation.

Sorry if this is depressing.  I felt like I needed to work this one out.  I don't think my obsession is the same as an addiction...I can stop if I need to.  Addicts have to work harder to stop than the obsessed will ever have to work to achieve their goals.  And that makes all the difference.

Deep thoughts today…sorry.

Arms tonight!!

[later that night]

Okay, the arms are kind of dead.  Did the Ab Ripper first...almost all reps this time....yeah, bring it!  and then did the Arms and Shoulders.  I was better about logging the weight and reps this time...I was more concerned about form and exertion than I was about survival!  I even did the bonus round.  This is really a great program.  I look forward to seeing my progress every single night.  Then my 14 yr old son comes down and watches for a minute and says he would like to start working out.  It's not something he usually does.  He was swimming for a while, but he doesn't compete.  He does fencing.  It was cool to see the interest.  He went over what he thought he could do...but it sounded too fast.  I don't want him to burn it all out in the beginning and get frustrated.  I want him to work up to it, see progress and enjoy the progress.  Let's see how it works out!

P90X: "The Cardio Feels Great This Time" Day 9 of 90

Great workout today.  Again, like yesterday, I have improved based off of how I did last week.  Did ALL the exercises.  Sweat like crazy.  It actually was more comfortable to complete.  I felt so good when I was done that I did 3.5 miles on the treadmill.

I will know more tomorrow when I can zero in on how well I 'heal.'

A comment I heard today was, "When you set your mind on something, you become obsessed with it."  I gave that a lot of thought.  Is it obsessed?  Or is it committed and driven?  Are committed and driven people obsessed with getting to their goals?  If you are not committed and driven to your goals...why set them?  And if you are not going to set goals...what is the intent of your existence?  Not that an existence is hollow without goals...but even if your intent is to just live a happy life, aren't you compelled to create happy situations for yourself?  I guess I view my 'obsession' with achieving my goals as a natural component to setting them.

I just cannot separate the creation of a hard goal from the physical and emotional commitment it takes to do it.  I usually blog a point of view...but tonight I am going to bed in contemplation of the answer for that one.