P90X: "Obsession Versus Addiction" Day 10 of 90

I have been pursuing this P90X project with the same fervor that I pursue anything that I set my sights on.  I work hard at it until I either achieve it, or burn out.  And the burning out isn’t usually an aborted launch…it’s a fiery crash of a rocket that is trying to break the atmosphere.  I am seeing changes in my body that I never thought I would see.  Muscles are showing up in places where I have never seen them in my life.  There is a spot over my hipbone where my abs are creating a separation through definition and I can really feel hipbone on muscle.  I have never hit this zone of physical fitness before.  Never.

As one could imagine, the more progress I see, the more fuel it gives to the effort.

This is all happening primarily due to the exercise regime.  My diet has changed a little, but not materially.  I am doing the Shakeology and protein bar meal replacement for one meal.  But I have been pretty careful about what I eat since I lost my 80 lbs about three to four years ago.  I am, however, exercising more with this P90X than ever.  And I am doing it comfortably in my own home.  I do have a tight focus on the workouts and on completing them.  I also am focused on how they are changing me, both physically and emotionally.

So when I heard this weekend, “When you start something, you always get obsessed with it,” I took pause.  With the untimely death of Whitney Houston, and the growing evidence that it was her demons with addiction that may very well have been her demise, I have been thinking a lot about the thing inside us that drives us to our obsessions or addictions.  I know one thing, I can speculate, but I won’t have a lot of answers.  If I did, I would be a zillionaire with the cure to something that impacts so many people.  So today's blog is me, thinking out loud, with no answers.

Are addictions and obsessions the same thing, just with results that are perceived as either positive or negative?

The only way for me to contemplate this question is through my own eyes and experiences.  I have known addiction and known obsession.  Each has affected my life in some profound way either through personal experience or exposure.

I think that every soul in this life is in search of meaning.  Why am I here and what am I supposed to do?  Some people are very self-aware in this regard.  Other people just go about their lives every day, not asking themselves that question so directly, but doing what they believe is the right path and making choices.  They make choices that feel normal but are really just trying to answer that question.  For some of us, there may be a life changing event( an epiphany of sorts) that opens our eyes to something new and different and we decide to make our ‘meaning’ choices consciously.  For others, that epiphany never comes and they will continue to make choices that feel like they are answering the question, but are somewhat blind without that roadmap.

I believe everyone’s ‘meaning’ is different.  Some of us are seeking personal achievement, some affinity, some to be of help to others, and some are just seeking peace of mind from something causing them stress or pain.  The fact that the goals are so different only confuses how we look at each other and our mutual journeys.  It’s easy to judge from your own set of rules and standards.  But if you looked at the other person’s journey through what THEY are seeking in life, you may draw different conclusions.  I think that for those who are self-aware of the meanings they are trying to pursue in their lives, the vigor is only increased.  Once you know where you think you need to be, you can go full speed ahead…and you can end up in an obsession or addiction.

I think there are ‘signs’ or ‘markers’ along the way that some of us will look at with keen self- awareness.  Those signs aren’t always good ones.  We also see those signs through our own perceptions, so a sign can say the same thing for two people but mean something different to both.  How we react to the signs in our lives is what determines our direction.

If someone's drive for a certain state, ie. release from pressure or a situation that they cannot control, results in them using something which initially helps but then so completely takes over their body that they cannot stop, then the obsession to find relief results in addiction.  There are bodybuilders who are trying for peak condition who get addicted to the drugs that may help them achieve that state. 

Ultimately, I think the initial path to find our meaning, be it achievement of something monumental or simply peace of mind, starts the same way.  It starts with obsession.  The need to find meaning or relief.  If the path is one that comes with destructive behavior (drugs, alcohol, etc.) then you end up with addiction.  I think the key difference is that you can complete a goal you are obsessed about.  You can stop the drive.  To stop an addiction, which is a physical illness, takes something even stronger than obsession to wind your way out of…and it is a battle you can never stop fighting.

So maybe, obsession and addiction are two sides to the same coin. It's just the path to your goal that determines whether you end up in an addiction situation.

Sorry if this is depressing.  I felt like I needed to work this one out.  I don't think my obsession is the same as an addiction...I can stop if I need to.  Addicts have to work harder to stop than the obsessed will ever have to work to achieve their goals.  And that makes all the difference.

Deep thoughts today…sorry.

Arms tonight!!

[later that night]

Okay, the arms are kind of dead.  Did the Ab Ripper first...almost all reps this time....yeah, bring it!  and then did the Arms and Shoulders.  I was better about logging the weight and reps this time...I was more concerned about form and exertion than I was about survival!  I even did the bonus round.  This is really a great program.  I look forward to seeing my progress every single night.  Then my 14 yr old son comes down and watches for a minute and says he would like to start working out.  It's not something he usually does.  He was swimming for a while, but he doesn't compete.  He does fencing.  It was cool to see the interest.  He went over what he thought he could do...but it sounded too fast.  I don't want him to burn it all out in the beginning and get frustrated.  I want him to work up to it, see progress and enjoy the progress.  Let's see how it works out!