Diet Infomercials Suck

I want to try to sound educated, I really do.  But I was at the gym yesterday morning, a Saturday, and as I did my 10K run on the treadmill in front of 12 ceiling TV panels, the infomercials marched on before my eyes.  Saturday morning must be prime sales time for these companies, and weight loss must account for 25% of them.  As I worked myself into a massive sweat burning over 1100 calories and watched these TV spots, there was the only way I could express myself..."Diet Infomercials Suck."



I was stuck watching this one called "Zumba!"  I pick on this one not because I hate it in particular, it just happened to be the one I had in front of my face.  "Zumba" (pronounced Zoomba) is weight loss by dance.  It is a cardiovascular exercise that will miraculously have you effortlessly losing massive amounts of weight.  You will look sexy, fit into your clothes, burn fat and sculpt your abs into 'model looking' shape.  By the sales pitch, this infomercial is targeting women.

At this point in my life, after 38 years of yo-yo dieting and two years after losing 85 pounds and keeping it off, I think I know something about weight loss.  I know about the discipline of developing a meal plan and making good choices, the rigor of exercise that it takes to lose weight and the lifestyle of exercise to keep it off, and I know the emotional triggers that will get you to make the right choices.  That said, this infomercial was so full of crap it had my complete attention.  I will never buy their product, but if their intent was to get me to watch, it at least did that.

The first thing that struck me was that there was not one overweight or obese woman (and again, not being sexist, that was their target audience) dancing on the infomercial.  These women had toned dancer bodies and probably half or more of them have never been overweight in their life from my observation.  I know what an obese woman looks like after weight loss and THAT was not it.  After they have lost 50-100 lbs, large women look like you just took the air out of a basketball.  They do NOT look like Julianne Hough of 'Dancing with the Stars.'  The goal of this commercial monstrosity is that YOU will do Zumba and untimately look like THEM.  That was the first big lie because to look like these people on the infomercial takes a concious diet plan and a life that centers around 'how you look.'  These women work out at gyms in Beverly Hills with trainers and eat salads all day long looking to get a modeling gig or, gasp! a spot on an infomercial!  Most of the people who are overweight today do not have that type of mentality...but they do have the desire to look like those ladies on the TV.

The second thing that struck me was that no one was sweating.  This is exercise right?  No one is sweating and every person is smiling?  Remember Mr. Roark from that 70's TV show?  "Smiles everyone...Welcome to Fantasy Island!"  The infomercial said you could burn up to 1000 calories per hour doing Zumba.  Sure you can.  If you do it with effort and if you do it for an hour.  Let me tell you something about exercising enough to burn 1000 calories per hour.  Back in the real world, as the infomercial played, I looked over at a woman who had got onto the treadmill the same time as I did.  I was running at 7.5 mph and had been going for 25 minutes straight.  I had burned about 550 calories.  She was walking at 3 mph and had been walking for 25 minutes too.  She had burned just under 100 calories.  You can wipe out that 100 calories by eating 1.5 apples.  Why had she only burned 100 calories?  Because 3mph is pretty much an easy stroll.  Because EXERcise takes EXERtion...and EXERtion equals SWEAT.  The woman next to me, while showing a very admirable desire to exercise, was not working hard.  To Zumba enough to burn 1000 calories would mean that these pretty, eye-lined, body make-up laden models with their designer exercise clothes would be moving their fannies long after this 30 minute infomercial was over and their make-up would be running into the audience.  Which makes one think...who the hell works out to an audience?  No one cheers me on at Planet Fitness!...and practically no one is smiling.

This brings me to my third observation.  Time.  This infomercial did show some overweight women...in their before and after shots.  Here is the sequence I watched.  Overweight Mabel, followed by trim Mabel, followed by sexy girl doing Zumba.  Where did Mabel go?  Did she have a heart attack doing Zumba?  My point here is that they show examples of people with 50-100 lbs of weight loss and they do it by showing you picture A, picture B and then the dancer.  First of all, the time it takes to get from Picture A to Picture B, especially to a dieter losing over 50 lbs is like an eternity.  I was on a 900 calorie per day (medically supervised) diet and exercised for 45 minutes every day.  50 lbs took me two and a half months.  It wasn't instant and it wasn't easy.  This presentation took you from fat to thin in an instant.  And it's easy.  And fun.  And miraculous.  These dancers on the video are moving, at most, for about 45 seconds.  That burns about 30 calories at maximum intensity.  Can you Zumba for 20 seconds if you are overweight?  Sure.  Can you for 45 seconds?  How about 45 minutes?  Per day?  For 4-6 months?

How does their product sound now?

Here is what the infomercial isn't telling you.

1) Weight loss for an overweight or obese person is difficult and takes a long time.  It requires a lifestyle change and commitment.  You can't lose that weight by dancing for three minutes.

2) To look like those dancers requires a life that has, as it's goal, to look like those dancers.  Their lives revolove around how they look.  Not their families, their jobs or their problems.  Those dancers' biggest problem is how to lose that last ounce of cellulite.  Does that feel like YOUR life?

3) As fun as dancing is, it is not a lifestyle change that will be long lasting.  Figure out an exercise plan and an eating plan that fits you and commit to it.

Losing big weight and keeping it off is not easy.  It is not a lot of fun.  It requires choices, concious ones.  It requires owning your life.  You can do it.  If you do, you will feel better than you ever have in your life.  You will have better self-esteem, better health and you will live longer than your current timetable is predicting.  I promise.

I found this on YouTube...the real Zumba for the overweight.  This won't sell their product like their infomercial but it is real.  If you are fighting and winning the weight-loss battle, my best to you.  Don't let these infomercials get you down.  I applaud your hard work and dedication.

Today I Was "Pete Breslin"

When I graduated High School, my friends and I spent a lot of time at the local park.  We would work whatever jobs we could find, go home and eat dinner, and then around 6:30-7:00 we would meet at the park on the basketball courts.  There was a bunch of us who were between 18 and 22, and even some old guys who were in their mid to late 20's...and then there was Pete Breslin.  I may have been the only one playing who actually knew his name.  He was a very close friend of my father and was best man at my parents' wedding.  He was also, at that time, about 43-44 years old.

The rest of us showed up in our 80's haircuts and our leather hightops.  Pete would be there in his crewcut and what resembled the Chuck Taylor canvas Converse sneakers (when they were not fashionable).  He was not real tall but he was a real solid guy with a lot of energy.  I don't know how often he was picked first to play, but he wasn't picked last by those who knew him.  He certainly got picked before I did.  He was well respected by all of us because he never slowed down, was always passing, and he would score on you with ease if you let your guard down.  The one thing you never got from him was a break.  He played you hard.  The only thing you could forget, if you wanted to beat him, was his age.  Forget that.  He did.  He played like he was 20.  If you were going to have a chance, check your ego and his age at the door.

The group that played in the pick-up games was pretty much the same group all the time.  We all knew each other.  Every so often though, some guy no one knew would show up.  Usually it was a pretty good player who was just stopping in to sharpen up.  One thing though never failed.  They always thought they had one up on Pete.  It was the age thing.  Their ego's couldn't take it.  I even saw one guy shove Pete in anger once and Pete didn't give an inch.  He didn't say anything, but he stayed right in the guy's face.  I can remember going home and telling my dad and he snickered and said, "they better not mess with him, he works out all the time and is in better shape than most of them, and if they think he's a pushover, they will be surprised."

And my dad was right.

So there I found myself today, the 4th of July, playing a game of something called Speedball with the 16-24 year old set of nieces and nephews.  My son Nick, aged 13, also played.  Most of these kids were high school and college aged.  They all laughed and asked me if I wanted to play.  I thought about it for a short second and smiled to myself, "sure, I'm in this one."  I will confess, I needed Speedball explained to me, so I got a briefing on the rules.  They picked Captains and began to choose sides.  The college aged boys were picked first, then the 16 year old boys.  It was about this time my nephew Matt was saying, "take Dick!"  Nothing.  Then the college girls were picked.  Right before the youngest kids were chosen, I was picked.  Matt was laughing and mumbling, "..a sleeper pick in 8th round!"

Now, I run probably 15-20 miles a week depending on my time availability.  I am 85 pounds lighter than the last time I did anything physical with these kids...and that was about two years ago.  I will tell you this, I was ready to go.

I am not going to go through a play by play here.  The game is played like a combination of soccer, and lacrosse only you carry and pass the ball with your hands, not a stick.  The nets are tiny because you can throw the ball in to score.  The game was split into two halfs, each consisting of about 45 minutes of straight running.  The ball was being passed and kicked.  I played hard, scored more than my share of goals, and I made all those kids forget my age.  I was jumping, throwing, diving, and at the end, I scored the winning goal.  I know the kids were kind of amazed and surprised at my ability to play well and beat the big kids.  More surprised were my relatives who are my own age, and who know really how much it takes to be able to go at that physical pace for that long.  One guy even said, "well...I guess YOU'RE in real good shape these days!"

The coolest thing of all though, was that my 13 year old son played a real tough game against kids a lot bigger and a lot older than him.  I saw him take a kicked soccer ball in the face from point blank range and get up, and later, he took a hard body hit from a college age guy while passing me the ball for a goal.  He showed a lot of guts and it was a great thrill and proud moment to be able to play with him.  I felt like I was watching him mature in front of me.  I was playing two levels down and he was playing two levels up.

Today wasn't about showing everyone else that I could do it.  It was about transcending age for a moment.  It was about showing myself that I could do it.  I have worked real hard to get back into the condition I am currently in.  I want to enjoy being able to run, play and compete, at any age.  I always enjoyed it in the past and I don't like thinking that Father Time can take that from me.  When we were done, everyone had sweat through their clothes.  There were bumps and bruises, sore muscles and just plain exhaustion.  My nephew Chris had brought a huge 20-something friend to the family party, he was also named Nick, like my son.  He looked at me and said, "good game out there man, I haven't worked out this hard since college, I feel old."  I said, "old? I'm 48 buddy, that's old."  He laughed and said, "yeah, that IS old!"

Not today though.  Not today.  Today I was "Pete Breslin."

Next: Dealing with reality

Now 'Fat' is a contest?

This is the title of the article…”Woman wants to be world’s fattest.”

I don’t even know what I am supposed to think of this. I know what I DO think. Should I share? My vote is yes. You can read along if you want to.

Is this what we have devolved to as a culture? We are finally going to celebrate being fat? No, correct that. We actually already do celebrate BEING fat. Just look around, we are swimming in it. I went to a concert at a Casino a couple weeks ago. The ‘70% of us are overweight’ statistic may actually be too low! But, are we finally going to start setting the goal as ‘getting fat?’ This is an accomplishment right? I always thought that we should be striving to do the extraordinary, the difficult or the challenging. This is like setting the high jump pole at 6 inches and hopping back and forth in the hope that someone will hang a gold medal on you.

Is there anyone who has to put effort into getting fat in the U.S. of A.? Is it really that hard? Not when I look around me every day. This ‘sport’ doesn’t need any more participants, casual or professional. It is replacing baseball as our national pastime. Food, food, and more food. All food, all the time. Can’t have one stinking event without food or snacks. Isn’t trying to be the best at getting fat, at this point, just redundant?

So what is the gist of this article that has me disturbed?

In New Jersey, Donna Simpson, 42 year old mother of two children aged 3 and 14, is trying to increase her body weight from 600 to over 1000 lbs. Breaking down the 1000 lbs, she literally is trying to weigh as much as one mother and about twelve 70 lb kids. At what point does our government, the one that thinks it should have a hand in everything, step in to do something?

First, this woman is psychologically unstable. How do I know this? Because she is knowingly doing something detrimental to herself and to those around her. She is also trying to rationalize doing it. That is a pretty good definition for the condition. She says she is doing this for a book deal and a reality show. Apparently, someone somewhere is willing to put this on TV. What is next? Televising creative suicides? How about Pay-Per-View for criminal executions? We could pay off all the expenses of Obama’s ‘stimulus’ packages.

Second, she is endangering her children. She won’t be able to properly care for them. They will actually be taking care of her when she can’t get out of bed. Also, she is setting a terrible example of health for them. She is going to expose them to ridicule from their friends and anyone else that has eyes. Lastly, if no one has mentioned this, she could accidentally eat them.

Lastly, she is doing something for which we, through our group medical insurance coverage plans, will ultimately become financially obligated to take care of. Smokers bother me for the same reason, but I will save that for another day. We will all ultimately pay the tab for her morbid obesity. Also, God forbid, when this celebrated ‘competition’ draws other fans and participants, we will have to pay for them too.

Why isn’t my government protecting me from these people?

I don’t want to impinge on anyone’s personal freedoms. But when their choices impinge on MY personal freedoms and my wallet, I wave the checkered flag. You are done. Or I am done. Or both. We are way overdue for some kind of health insurance guideline that has these kinds of people paying their freight (a word which is actually a combination of two words, freaking and weight). If they are going to be this obese, super obese and morbidly obese, they should pay extra for their health insurance so we who are not grand can pay less. I have worked really hard to get myself into a physical condition that will make me happy and improve the quality of my life. I will not pay additionally for those whose goal it is to do exactly the opposite.

If they do not HAVE health insurance, we should apply a fat tax. They would have to get on a scale at the grocery store, or fast food stores, and based on their BMI (body mass index) be taxed extra. The woman in this article would only be able to buy about 10 grapes…at about $25 each. They should also have to pay for two seats on an airplane and at baseball stadiums if they need two seats. You are responsible for your own big ass.

No coddling. No enabling. If they want to live this way…they have to make sure the rest of us don’t have to pay for their lunacy and suicidal tendencies.

So why am I so mad? Here is why. It is simple math. If 70% plus of our country is overweight and expanding (both individually and statistically), then my opinion is a part of the minority. If any of you know anything about politics, that means that we health conscious folks will be at the mercy of the large. We have as much a shot at getting equity in this situation as an oily seagull in Louisiana does of finding a clean ocean.

My goal is to get up every day. To breathe. To smile. To work. To take care of my kids. And to do it without relying on the rest of you to make it happen.

Her goal is to be so fat that she is useless to society. Swell. Let’s celebrate that.

Next: Young again!