P90X: "Fear...of Failure" Day 25 of 90

I always set my goals publicly.  I tell people when I intend to make an attempt to do something.  Why?  I realized long ago that if I am doing something all by myself, and if the only person being held accountable is me, and if I am the only one who even knows that an attempt was made, that it is all too easy to quit.

The other thing I learned was that if you publicly set a goal, then people think twice before getting between you and it.  Some may even help you!

So when I set out to do something, I let people know.  I mark the goal.  I want folks to know that I have committed and am holding myself accountable to get it done.  I have been practicing this for a long time.  There are two sides to this practice.  If you succeed, everyone knows you did something you set your mind out to do.  You become known as a driven and determined person.  If you fail, you fail publicly.  Everyone knows it didn’t work out.  It may be a mark on your character, but that all depends on how you handle it.

I have been doing this for so long that it stopped occurring to me that anyone would approach the task of goal setting and achievement any other way.  The thought of setting a private goal and covertly going after it never occurred to me.

I first encountered this when I did the Optifast diet four years ago.  I did this because I had gotten myself past the point of ‘no return’ and needed medical help to get the weight off.  It is a special program designed to help the exceptionally large and obese people lose weight and change how they think about food.  Two critical aspects to this program are weekly classes on behavior and nutrition.  There is an exercise element as well but in my humble opinion, it is not stressed nearly enough and is one reason for some of the personal failures in the program.

On this diet, you weigh in every week.  You know how well you have done in the short term.  You have a target weight objective in the program, so you know where you are supposed to be going in the long term.  The diet is so meticulously measured that, if followed, you have to lose weight.

From the first behavior class, it was obvious to me that at least 85-90 percent of the class would not say on a weekly basis how much they lost.  They always said, “I did okay,” or “I didn’t do so well.”  It was completely arbitrary.  I can still remember asking on that first night, “What does okay mean?  How much did you lose?”  You would have thought that I murdered someone.  I got rotten looks, hurt looks, indignant looks…it was really confusing to me.  I made my own personal statements of how much I was there to lose and I was ready to go!  I hadn’t even started the diet yet, I was still holding my 8 oz. 150 calorie sippy drinks.

As I went through the program, the ones that were very open to setting their goals and talking about their progress in a real way were losing weight.  Every week I openly spoke of how much I had lost, what I had done right and what I may have done wrong.  In week three, a man I used to sit next to was ready to graduate to normal life again.  He had lost about 95 lbs.  He took me aside after class because he knew I was frustrated by the contempt being shown to me and the defensive postures of most of the class.  He told me to just keep doing it the way I was doing it because I would be successful.  He wished me luck and just disappeared.

Week after week I sat there listening to stories about doing ‘okay’ and the lack of progress for most of them.  I listened to the therapist coddle them.  The more I listened the more I kept hearing the fear creep in.  Then one night, I asked the question that opened my eyes.  I asked one woman, “Doesn’t your family and friends know you are on this medical diet?”

“Oh, no!  I haven’t told a soul.  The last thing I need is for them to know that!”

Just by looking at the faces around the table and the nodding of heads, this was a prevailing and reinforced point of view.  They were afraid.  Afraid of being judged but also letting themselves off the hook for accountability.  These closet eaters were trying to be closet dieters.  The program was allowing this by telling them that they were accountable to no one but themselves.  So then, why do this in a group?  At least be honest and accountable with the group.  I truly believe that the program did not want to lose participants and that they wanted a high attendance.  So they let some people simply cruise along.

I understand now how much courage it takes to put yourself out there and publicly state a goal.  I also think that without that declaration, there is very little accountability.  Accountability is important because when you have to make two choices, one supporting the goal and one thwarting it, accountability may help influence your choice.  The other thing not usually stated is that there are very many who NEVER TRY THINGS.
They will applaud the fact that you even tried.

The bottom line here is that you should not let your fear of failure keep you from openly pursuing your goals.  Take some risks and put yourself out there.  It will help keep you on track when you feel like drifting.  Put your goals in a place where you are not the only one who sees them.  Don’t be afraid that not reaching the goal is a failure.  The only true failure in this life is not trying.  So let that publicly stated goal help you…let it influence and guide your decisions because you feel accountable for achieving it.

I know this one is hard.  Best of luck!!!

[later that night]

Did Yoga X tonight as scheduled. I have to agree with Melissa, this is not really in Tony's wheelhouse. Has anyone else noticed that he short cuts the left side? Always faster than the right...I know his left knee is bad and when he has to support the lunge on the left leg, it must be painful. But he whips through it too fast. I am going to have to figure something out. Three weeks ago, I couldn't keep up. Two weeks ago, I was fine and didn't even notice. Now that I am disciplined and counting the reps, I even notice when they short the routine. I just keep going. I am really enjoying this. My berry skakeology came today!! I am about two shakes away from opening it.

See ya in the AM!