This chapter is not about religion. I am a Christian but this expression is not meant to isolate any of my brethren of all other religions. Just take this ride with me for a moment as I explain. “Come to Jesus” is an expression we used when I was in the Army. It came from another phrase we used, “ain’t no atheists in a foxhole.” What it means is that everybody must one day face the conflicts of their life and make a stand. Some of us pray for divine intervention when a situation gets really out of hand but, ultimately, at some point you must look at your situation and figure out what YOU are going to do about it. You can sit in your foxhole and be shot at and die, or you can say a prayer to your maker and start shooting back. That is what is meant by the expression. You picked up this book for a reason. That was your first step. Congratulations. It is now time for your second step. The second step is all about your “Come to Jesus” (or pick your own spiritual guide if you find this remotely offensive) moment. Are you ready to understand your situation and make the decision to shoot back? Are you ready to assume control of your life? Are you ready to change?
You need to face reality. We are going to start doing that right now. You also need to understand something else. It won’t be pretty. Here is what you are going to do. You need to pick a time when you will have some private time in a bathroom or bedroom and not be disturbed. All other residents in your house should be gone, or asleep, it doesn’t matter. Allow yourself at least an hour. You just need time alone. This is a time for reflection. You are going to get into the skimpiest bathing suit or underwear you can find. By skimpy, I don’t mean that it doesn’t fit…just that it exposes as much of you as possible. You are also going to need a couple things. Find as big a mirror as you have in your home, a notepad, a scale and a camera. If you have been thin at one time in your life, and have a picture of yourself from that time, bring it too. I can feel your fear already.
I am assuming now that it is just you and the mirror, accompanied by the added extras I asked you to bring along. Step on the scale. Look good and hard at it. This might be the first time you have seen your weight on a scale in a long time. You may even start to cry. That is fine too. Write the weight down. Open the notebook and write this number down with a date. If you have a calendar on your bathroom door, write the number on today’s date. I know how this makes you feel, especially you ladies. Let me share a grim reality with you. You may not want to see that number or acknowledge it. You are only fooling yourself. The rest of the world knows you are overweight or perhaps obese. It is time to forget them and put that number in plain sight. It is there to help you. Today we acknowledge reality and begin to shoot back. If you choose to change the direction of your life, you will be looking at this scale a lot, so get used to it.
Next, you are going to stand in front of the mirror and take a good hard long look at yourself. I know…you look in the mirror every day. Not like this you don’t. I have asked you to be in your underwear or a swimsuit but, if you dare, you can be naked. It is just you and the mirror. That is why they call it the “naked truth.” Take a good look at yourself. What do you see? Look at your face. Can you see your cheekbones? Are there fatty deposits around your eyelids? Not wrinkles, fatty deposits. Look at your neck. How much extra is hanging in there? Look at your upper body. Is there fat on your shoulders? ON your shoulders? How about under your arms? What is hanging below your bicep area? Look at your chest. Do you men have the ‘man-breasts’? Ladies, is excess fat making your breasts sag? Where do they begin when they leave your body? How about the mid-section? Do you have a beer gut?...even you ladies? What is draped around your middle? How about your hips? Is fat piled on all around your hips? Look at your thighs. Can you tell where they attach to your torso or is it one big flowing mass (or mess)? Are your thighs fat right above your knees? Look below your knees. Are your calves fat? I am trying to make light of this a little but I know this is not easy. At some point, you are going to have to be able to laugh at yourself. You are going to have to not take yourself so seriously. I want you to write down the various areas and write down what you see. Be honest. Be brutal. It is just you and the notebook.
Take a second look at yourself in the mirror. Head to toe. Do you see outward physical symptoms of distress? You are looking for unnatural swelling. Excess fluid in your body is called edema. Is it present anywhere? Is there so much fat in certain areas that your skin is becoming irritated and inflamed? Are there excess red blotches and veins? Look for these things and, yes, write it in the notebook.
As you look in the mirror. I want you to touch the fatty areas. I am not being sick here, get over it. This is important. Rub your hands over your face. Pinch the fat everywhere. Circle your hands around your neck (no matter how you feel about what you are seeing…don’t squeeze!) and really understand the size you are dealing with. You need to remember this exercise so take your time and commit it to memory. Grab the fat around your arms, your mid-section and your waist. You can actually hold it in your hands. This is not muscle. This is nothing more than excess stores of fat in your body that will never ever be used. The longer it stays, the more it becomes a part of your body and who you are as a person. Get a real feel for how much of it there is. You have spent a lot of time, money and effort hiding this. No more. Put your hands around your thighs. Squeeze the fat. Pinch it. If you have thoughts about what you are experiencing and feel like you want to never forget them, write them down.
As you really feel the fat on your body, move it around. How would you look if it weren’t there? If you could see your jaw line again, how would it look? How about if your mid-section were trimmer? If you have the picture of the old or thinner ‘you’, now is the time to look at it. Make a comparison. If you have no picture because you have never been a thin person, draw one in your mind. Be as creative as you want, you are going to create a new ‘you.’
As you look into that mirror, I want you to think about all of your physical ailments and issues that are being caused by what you are seeing. Some are obvious, some may not be. Do you have high cholesterol? Is there edema around your body? I don’t mean fat, I mean swelling from water deposits being brought on BECAUSE of the fat. How is your blood pressure? How about your breathing? Can you climb stairs without breathing hard? Acid reflux issues? Does that gut hang over your middle so heavily that it is bending your esophagus and causing acid reflux (also known as frequent heartburn or acid indigestion)? Write the ailments down.
How about your quality of life? Has the person in the mirror caused health issues that have affected you financially? Do you have to pay three times the amount a healthy person pays just to have life insurance? Is it hard shopping for and finding clothes that fit? How mobile are you? Can you enjoy the basic physical activities that we share together in groups like just throwing a football around at a picnic? How has your level of physical fitness affected your life? Write it down.
How has the person in the mirror affected you professionally? If you are a labor worker, have you had chronic back issues at an early age? Can you not perform the physical functions that would keep you employed in a competitive workplace? How do you look in a suit? Do you look like someone who could effectively manage an office when you can’t even manage your personal condition? Would you hire the person in the mirror? I hired a temporary employee a couple years back when I was overweight. He was obese but I didn’t consider that too much, probably because I was getting there myself. He was much larger than me. He spent 2 out of every 10 days sick in some form. He could not type on a keyboard and move about the desk without breathing heavy. I will tell you that when I was losing my weight, I thought about him often. I also know I will never hire an obese person again for that very reason. Before you shout “discrimination”, performance and ability to perform is a valid reason for hiring or not hiring someone. Obesity will negatively affect performance and also cause the company unforeseen expenses for emergency and chronic health issues. It would be a justified reason. Has your professional life been impacted by your physical condition? WRITE IT DOWN.
Lastly, I want you to get that camera. If you have been examining yourself naked, please put the swimsuit or undies back on! Take some photos of yourself. You can put them in your notebook or anywhere else where you can reasonably look at them and remember where you have been. Someday, should you decide that your fight begins today, you will hold these next to the new you. When you do that, you will smile a lot at the picture that now frightens you. Take the picture and put it/them in your notebook. You can bet that I have a picture from my first day, in my swimsuit. It is even on page one of my website where I blog on my diet…for all the world to see.
Your weight, size and physical condition is only a secret to you. It is outwardly visible to every other person you come in contact with and they are noticing. Everyone sees what you refuse to recognize. No amount of black fabric in the world actually hides it. You are not fooling anyone but yourself. The minute you openly acknowledge your condition to yourself, you are on your way.
Look in that mirror and say this to yourself.
“I did this to myself. I made every poor choice that created what I am looking at in this mirror. I am not this way because of my parents, other people, our culture or corporate America. I am this way because of me. But, I can fix this. I know I can fix this. Nothing is irreversible when it comes to my physical condition. I am strong enough to make better choices, improve my condition and change the direction of my life.”
Say this over and over again until it becomes who you are. I am a big proponent of taking responsibility for any condition of my own doing and being the one who has to fix it. That said, many of you will feel like you need some extra help. If you need to pray, please do, remember though, God (whichever deity you acknowledge as yours) helps those who help themselves. He will be your wind, but you need to get the boat in the water, chart your direction and put up your sails. This is your “Come to Jesus” moment. Are you going to sit in your foxhole, or are you ready to fight?
The second lesson of this book may now be obvious:
You are the captain of your destiny. You are responsible for everything that got you here and only you can change the course of your life.
Good luck and I hope you move on to the next chapter with me.
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