How do people who are 'engaging' accomplish this or become that way?
There are characteristics of these people that you either already possess or can work on building.
The first is that an engaging person projects themselves visually. They are dramatic, sometimes 'over the top.' They use a lot of body language to make the space they are in look bigger than life. They fill a room when they enter it. When they are expressing themselves they do it with a passion that is outwardly perceived. Think about people you feel compelled to listen to...you will find they have this ability to translate visually. Even when you talk to an engaging person over the phone, most times, you can feel that emotion.
The second thing an engaging person possesses is a 'hook.' An engaging person, in your eyes, will have something you want...even if you don't realize at the time that you want it! Be it a product, idea or emotion, the engaging person has it and you either want it or want more of it. An engaging person may have a new way of thinking of an old concept. It may be new facts or ideas. It may be something that is completely old, but this person found a new way to wrap it so it feels new...and you want to see it again. Maybe what they have will help you in business. Maybe it will help you personally. Maybe they are just really happy and 'up' right now and you want THAT. If only because it will just make you feel better for a moment. An engaging person has a 'hook' that draws others.
The third thing an engaging person has is 'room.' They always have room for you...no matter how many of YOU there are. They ask questions and listen. They let you participate. They let you nibble on the 'hook.' With an engaging person, it's not a manipulation or sale. They are sincere. You can feel that they care deeply about their cause and how it will affect you. They want to hear your story too. Again...they LISTEN patiently and sincerely. The relationship an engaging person forms is a dance, not a direction.
The last thing an engaging person has is a great sense of self-awareness. They are humble enough to know that they don't know everything. They also have a sense of humor. They don't take themselves and everything so seriously that becoming involved with them is a life or death proposition. They know that life is too short to not have fun doing what you love...but that everyone may not love the same things. They have respect for you.
As a Coach...as a leader...these things will help you become a person who draws others in. When you have people's willing attention, you are best positioned to be influential.
If you do not have these qualities, they are things you can learn, improve, and practice.
Many are not comfortable in front of people. That hurts your ability to project and show passion. A player can't see it if you can't show it. There are many ways to get out of this shell. Toastmasters is a great group that encourages you to get in front of the room.
Finding your 'hook' can be a challenge. You need to really understand what it is you are trying to project and truly understand it's value or potential value to your audience. Is it really something of value or something you WISH they valued? Ask yourself that question and be honest.
Do you leave 'room' for your audience? Always keep a list of no fewer than twenty engaging questions for the audience. Some people are habitually good at this and do it reflexively. If you are not a natural at this, get index cards, write the questions down and rehearse them until you know them by heart and can ask them with sincerity. Listen acutely. Don't just blink and nod. Listen with real concern. If the 'hook' is of real value, this should not be that hard, but it does take practice.
Remember to keep it loose. Not everyone feels the same way about the 'hook.' Let them take their time to get to it, don't just grab the damn fish and slap the hook in it's mouth. Not nice. Not engaging. It's more like a trap.
Being able to 'engage' a player is vital to being a good or great coach. If the player is not ready or willing to really take your guidance...your coaching may be only minimally effective if not simply ineffective.
Okay, time to work out! I am putting in an extra two weeks of P90X.
Have a great weekend, GET UP, and JUST DO IT!
My resources this week for my Coaching blog were:
Mindset, by Carol Dweck Ph.D.
The Power of Persuasion, by Robert Levine
Influence Without Authority, by Allan Cohen and David Bradford
The Handbook of Coaching, by Frederick Hudson
Coach Anyone About Anything, by Germaine Porche and Jed Niederer (this one was sourced the most)
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