Fat Is Not Acceptable: Intro

Introduction

This is the last diet book you should ever buy. Why? There are many reasons, but mainly, because this is not a diet book. It is a book on how to become a healthy and fit person. This is not about a diet, it is about a lifestyle choice. There came a moment in my life when I experienced a breaking point and I literally threw a switch in my brain to make a change and chose to live my life in a different way. You have to make that choice too and you have to make it alone. Society and our popular culture will not help you. It is a choice that, unfortunately, is getting harder and harder for everyone to make and maintain. I made the choice because of how I honestly felt about myself. How I felt when I looked into the mirror, or put on my big clothes, or ate until I thought I was going to be sick. I also continue to make that choice every day. I moved my health and my physical condition to the priority position it now occupies in my life and I have never felt this good. I feel better, I look better, my self-esteem is much higher, and I will be able to enjoy this life I have been given for a lot longer than my condition was going to allow. It came down to a choice I made for myself. If this book helps you make that choice for yourself, you will never again need a book on dieting.

Before I write another word, I want to address something…the title. This is not an apology, it is an explanation. I chose this title consciously. It is not meant to be amusing. Every day I see a culture that is increasingly focused on simply sitting in one place and eating. We use food as conversation, food as an accessory, and food as recreation. All references to gluttony aside, it wouldn’t be so bad if it were balanced with exercise. It is not. We are literally drowning in our own fat. We need to stop viewing ‘fat’ as a state of being and start viewing it as a medical condition. I will not sugar coat the word “fat.” We have used that word to describe this condition since we were kids. As our society evolves in its “political correctness” we love to soften these harsh toned words. We find nicer ways to say them. Let me ask you something, “how is that working for you?” This book will focus more on this topic but suffice to say that if you are overweight, obese or morbidly obese, you need to be able to look at yourself honestly in the mirror and say the title of this book to yourself. You need to say these words because, in this politically correct society, people won’t say it to you or anyone else openly (but they will think it). You need to say these words because it may just save your life. Fat is NOT acceptable. Say it to yourself. Say it with conviction. I did. I still say it every day. I can show you how to change your life because I changed my own. This is my story.

Two years ago, after a lifetime of yo-yo dieting and ultimately getting myself to the grand unhealthy weight of 285 pounds, I made a choice to change my lifestyle. It’s easy to read what I am writing and feel my attitude and dismissively say, “He has no idea, he has never been fat.” Oh yes I have. I have been fat my whole life. At certain points along the way, I have also been thin. I know what it is like because I have lived it too…until it was killing me. I did not make a choice to lose weight this time. I chose to put myself in a position where I would look good, feel good, be able to exercise, and, possibly, to extend the duration of my time on this planet. It just so happens that the change I was making also needed weight loss as a part of the formula. My goal couldn’t succeed without it. So I am serious when I say this story is not a diet story and that it is about making a healthy change in your life and lifestyle. There is a difference…and that is primarily why I am writing this book.

Currently, we are in the fattest state that humans have been in at any point on the evolutionary scale. I want to be clear here, I use the word FAT for a reason. I don’t call it “large” or “hefty.” I don’t refer to it as “big boned” or “overweight.” There is a scientific and clinical term for it. It is called fat. I am not into coddling things that are as seriously impairing to your life as are those globules of food storage cells exploding under your skin. Let’s deal with it honestly, fat is killing us. For all the gyms, sports programs, athletic equipment stores and sneaker companies, we are growing fat and unhealthy at a frightening pace. As a nation, since 1970, the United States has doubled the percentage of obese people from 15% to 30% with 8 states at rates of 35% or greater. All this has occurred in a period of only 40 years.

Stop for a moment and simply look around you. Think of yourself as a referee and go to a shopping mall and look at the people. Play judge. It doesn’t feel nice. In fact, it feels kind of nasty. But just do it. Look at everyone and ask yourself this question, “are they fat or thin?” You don’t need a special measuring tool. Your eyes and your judgment will suffice. Keep count. It may shock you because we are all so accepting today of something that has become the norm. In all honesty, our condition is easy to miss. Here is why. I once read, “If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will leap out instantly. But if you put a frog in water at room temperature, and slowly bring it to a boil, the frog will cook without realizing it.” That is where we are right now. Fat is built into the fabric of our culture in such a way that we are unconsciously “cooking” and not even recognizing it until something drastic happens and it slaps us in the face. Take a good long look at the people around you and count the overweight ones. The percentage that you count is scary. You will note that what you call overweight is greater than 65% of the people. That is 6-7 out of every 10. As noted in a November 2009 American Health report on obesity, the percentage of people who are obese, classified by a Body Fat Percentage greater than 30%, is 27% of the people. More than 2 out of every 10 people you will meet are clinically obese. Take a real hard look around you. Then look at yourself and make an honest assessment.

Our cultural love affair of food and leisure is not going to change any time soon. Our society’s need to be “politically correct” is not going to change either. We are killing ourselves with our eating habits and it is not even socially acceptable anymore to be critical of that fact because it is “inappropriate” to judge the evidence. That evidence, of course, is the fat people all over our society. If you want a healthy life, YOU are going to have to change. This is something you have to do for yourself and that you may have to do with very little support from those around you. To do this, you need to be angry and fed up. You need to look at those around you, do the assessment, and then take a good long honest look at yourself in the mirror. You need to be angry with yourself. Once you have decided that you are not going to be one of the literal masses, you will have to change forever how you look at three things. You need to address how you eat, the physical machine you own that processes that food, and the level of physical activity in your life. That’s it. If you can understand and control those three things, you can change the quality of your life.

This book will cover how to think about what you eat. The word ‘diet’ has been severely misused in our culture. ‘Diet’ is not a verb. At least, it didn’t start that way. ‘Dieting’ is not something you do, like ‘talking’ or ‘working.’ ‘Diet’ is/was a noun. Your ‘diet’ is the food you eat daily to maintain your physical state of being. It is not a special word that, if employed in your life, results in the effect of weight-loss. ‘Diet’ is also not a special list of foods that you eat so that you can lose weight. There is no list. Companies who are desperate to make money and sell you their food products and weight loss programs made that up. Your diet is what you eat. What YOU eat. Period.

“Ooh, you lost so much weight! You look fabulous! What diet were you on?” If you answer this question properly, you should say, “I was eating X, Y and Z.” The answer to this question is not ‘South Beach’ or ‘Weight Watchers’ or ‘Atkins.’ Here is why. If someone came up to you and said, “Holy cow, you have really ballooned up, you’re huge! What diet were you on?” The answer wouldn’t be named after a place, a process, or anyone special. The answer should honestly be something like, “I was on the sleeve of Oreo’s, Ben and Jerry’s, sit on my ass all day diet.” Doesn’t have quite the same sexy ring as calling it the ‘Behemoth Diet’ or the ‘Big Alaskan Diet’ does it? The diets are all named for only one reason, so you can tell them apart and know which one to link back to the ad or infomercial you saw it on. Once you know the name, then you can buy their product. That is the only reason to put a name on a list of products that people will put in their bodies. Incidentally, when you are done reading this book and I have given you some pointers on what to eat, don’t refer to it as ‘Dick’s Diet’ or something equally lame. I would consider it embarrassing in the same way as one would consider naming something like ‘breathing’ with a special label. We all breath and we all should be eating like reasonable human beings. I just want to share with you what I have learned about doing it right. This book will attempt to change the way you look at the food you eat.

This book will cover exercise. We will go over the steps you need to take to view your life as one that requires activity to maintain your health and quality of life. Especially in your older years, this is critical. In your younger years, you should be building a lifestyle of activity so you can have those good habits all formed when ‘old age’ comes knocking on your door. It comes fast and, if you are in your young teens, twenty’s or thirty’s, is looming just around the corner. Make it a habit now.

Exercise is the toughest part of being a healthy person. Everyone can cut down on their food intake with very little effort. It does take will power to sit there while others are engorging themselves, but not a lot of work. It actually takes less time to NOT eat than it takes to eat. Exercise is a very different animal. It takes commitment. It takes time. You have to…gasp…sweat! Is it really necessary? Is it…really? Yes. No weight loss process has ever been successful without exercise. People who successfully lose weight exercise and exercise with frequency. Ever watch “The Biggest Loser” on TV? What do you see most on that show? It’s about losing weight, so why don’t they focus just on eating right and dieting? They don’t do that because eliminating food does not work without exercise. You also can’t do 40 minutes of television programming on NOT eating! When I watch that show it looks like they have those people exercising 24/7. It takes up almost 75% of the show! You need to exercise. Here is another factoid you will love. Once you lose the weight, if you stop living an active lifestyle, the weight comes back most of the time and much faster than it came off. That is why we will talk about making it a part of your life. Everyone should have a lifestyle of activity that matches their eating habits.

Many companies and corporations have spent a lot of money trying to convince you that being a healthy size is very complicated. They want you to know that their solution is THE one. They alone have solved this complicated riddle, especially for you. Of course they have. That is how they differentiate themselves from each other and make money. The fact of the matter is that achieving good health (in both your size and physical condition) is incredibly simple. It is hard and requires discipline, no doubt, but it is also very simple. I had to change how I look at my life. I had to change my priorities. This all happened over a four month period and has been hardened over the last two years. You can do this, you really can. I can be a sarcastic and brutally honest S.O.B. but I can also say with conviction that I believe all of you, if you can find the drive, can do this.

Lastly, who do I think I am? Who am I to be writing such a book and proselytizing on weight-loss? I am Dick St.Jacques, WD. What is the “WD?” It stands for Doctorate of Weight-Loss. Honorary. Actors, politicians, business people all get them from colleges and universities for a lifetime of experience in a particular field. I have 45 years of experience gaining weight, losing weight and ultimately culminating in a change in my lifestyle that will support long term health. I am ready to impart my wisdom upon you. For these reasons, I am bequeathing the degree upon myself…and Dr. Dick says, “Fat is NOT acceptable.”

Click here for Chapter One

Motivation (Part 3): What Motivates Kirstie Alley?

So what motivates Kirstie Alley (or any of us for that matter)? Will we ever be able to answer this?

Let's try to apply the theory that we have exposed in Parts 1 and 2. I have to make some assumptions based on what I know about her life. Most people of even a moderate degree of success fulfill their Level One needs. Let's presuppose that she has done this. The Level Two need of Safety and Soundness is probably being filled as well. I do not know of other medical issues she may have but I am assuming, since she is still large, that her weight issues are not tied to them. With this in mind, Diet and Physical Fitness (DPF) are probably not on Level Two for her. So let's also presuppose Level Two is fulfilled at this point in her life. The question becomes, 'where does Kirstie put DPF in her hierarchy?' Some people put their DPF in the Social Needs bucket...particularly those in the Media. Their social circles place a high value on how they look. Additionally, affinity needs get fulfilled with intimate relationships and, unfortunately, many intimate relationships start and are maintained based on appearance. So, in that case, DPF becomes critical. Friends and Family also typically play a role in Level Three.

So, it is quite apparent that Ms. Alley is not taking care of DPF. It is either a Level Three need that she is not fulfilling OR she has put it on Level Four and only thinks of it when it becomes an Esteem Need issue. If she has a lot of support and affinity in spite of being very large, she may have put the DPF priority at the top of her pyramid and is simply not addressing it. She then would be in the position of only addressing her DPF when it becomes something that she feels is inhibiting her career. If it is sitting at Level Four, it is in a place where many things can derail it as a priority, in particular, Level Three things.

There is one other possible answer to this though. She went through a divorce in 1997 to her ex-husband Parker Stevenson. That may have triggered her weight loss issues culminating in the 2005 appearance on Oprah. For many who simply let their weight and personal appearance get out of hand, when they lose affinity/love and feel like they need to find love again, they move DPF from a Level Four to a Level Three, but only TEMPORARILY. When they get their DPF under control and regain some affinity ties, they move DPF back to Level Four. I believe, based on Kirstie's pattern, that this is what she did. In all fairness to Kirstie, I am using her (somewhat unfairly since I do not even know her) as an example and my evaluation is based on much supposition.

I think that the majority of yo-yo dieting happens this way. Instead of putting DPF somewhere in our personal needs hierarchy and making its placement permanent, we move it around to suit our temporary wishes and then it gets bumped by other things.

What is my recommendation to Kirstie about her weight? It is the same advice I would give, and will give, to any of you that want to go on the Optifast (or any other) diet.

Start with a personal assessment of what the diet actually means to you. Where does this diet fit on your personal hierarchy needs chart? The lower (lower meaning a most basic need and a high priority) it is on your chart, the higher probability of success you will have with it. What in your life will trump your dieting efforts? Will it be trumped by work?...by family?...by social life? Is it going to take a permanent place on your needs chart or is it temporary because it is serving a temporary purpose?

If you need to lose a serious amount of weight, you need to assess its value to you. Losing the weight is difficult. There will be a lot of obstacles to derail that goal. There is something even more difficult after you complete the diet and that is KEEPING THE WEIGHT OFF. That is the real battle. That is where the Personal Needs Hierarchy Pyramid for you becomes critical. You need to put your DPF in a permanent place. You need to assess this in your life because extreme dieting and yo-yo rebounding can actually be more unhealthy than never losing the weight in the first place.

Is there a value you can tie to your weight loss that makes you permanently move it to a lower and more important base level of your needs? If physical safety is not one of those things, how about the monetary cost of being fat?

I recently took a look at our family's financial situation and decided I needed to upgrade my life insurance. Without getting into my personal finances in a public forum, let me say one thing. A life insurance policy with the same payback and term provisions for me as a fat, high cholesterol person would have been $150 more PER MONTH than the same policy for me under my current 205 lb frame with low cholesterol. Additionally, because I have not had the weight off for at least a year, they ADDED HALF THE WEIGHT BACK when calculating my new policy. If I had lost the weight 2 years ago, my policy right now would be $50 per month less. So in real terms, being fat, per just my life insurance policy alone, would cost me an additional $200 per month. That is $2400 more per year and $48,000 over a twenty year policy. That is a tangible cost that you can use to put the value of DPF into the low level, high priority area's of your Personal Needs Hierarchy Pyramid.

Doing these things will separate for you whether or not the diet is a goal for your life, or whether it is a "wish to be thin."

This kind of look takes a lot of hard work and commitment.

My thanks to Kirstie Alley for involuntarily providing the inspiration for these past 3 blog posts! Not everyone needs to show perfect success in order to be inspiring. I have poked fun at her (honestly, I make fun of myself a lot too) but truly wish the best for her.

Next: Sticking With IT!!

Motivation (Part 2): What Motivates Kirstie Alley?

Let's see if we can answer the question by examining my personal theory and how I have applied it to my diet at this juncture of my life.

Motivation, as defined in Wikipedia (God, I hope someone didn't edit it to say something stupid), is "the set of reasons that determines one to engage in a particular behavior." That understood, the question becomes "what forms the basis for the 'reasons?" To understand the 'reasons' we must go back to something that, at some point in time, we have all been exposed to...whether it was in High School Biology, Psych 101, or some type of workplace training...and that is Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Ugggghhhhh!! I can just hear the collective groan.

Maslow's theory, which we have all come to widely respect, is that we humans fill and fulfill our most basic needs in a specific order. That order is based on the pyramid above. We fill the pyramid from the bottom up. We start with our Basic Physiological Needs (survival). We fill those needs first. Once we feel that those needs are met, we move on. Safety Needs, Social Needs, Esteem Needs and then we can focus on Self-Actualization. For most of us, we live our lives filling the levels in the middle of the pyramid. Some people are rare and get to the top two levels. There is a very tiny group that actually make it all the way to the top. The theory (and one I happen to agree with) is that if one of us has a deficiency in a lower level, it must be filled before we can further advance. The theory also says that if you have three levels filled and are working on something that fills a level four need, but then have something happen to you that upsets the lower level needs, you will stop the level four work to go back and back fill the lower level need and then have to return to level four. This theory of Maslow's is ageless and valuable.

As I read the many professional interpretations of Maslow, I continued to run into the same conflict. That conflict was that the writers in each case interpreted Maslow's levels with their own definition of what makes up each level. In the most basic example, 'Career Success' is most often placed at the Esteem Level by the social scientists who study Maslow. It is commonly held by them that a person's need for that success usually satiates the Esteem Level in that it typically brings with it the fulfillment of the Respect and Achievement need. The question I had was, "what if, for whatever reason (upbringing, dire social situations, etc.) a person puts Career Success at a different level?" If a person places Career Success at the Safety Need level, or they classify it as a 'must have' for their definition of personal Safety, they will approach fulfilling that need differently.

The uniqueness of every human being and the diversity of upbringing and experiences means that we build our pyramids differently. The items in my life that constitute my Esteem level are different from the next person's. If we try to interpret someone's motive and behavior using OUR OWN pyramid, we invariably end up in confusion and it can often result in conflict. The key, therefore, to understanding anyone and their motives, is to understand the person's personal pyramid of needs. Once you know that, their behavior makes sense and forms a pattern. Try to evaluate their behavior using YOUR pyramid, and their behavior looks erratic and confusing to you...because it is! It violates your own pattern of needs.

So I began to look at this as it relates to Dieting and Physical Fitness (DPF). Why can some people do this well and yet others be so poor at it? Also, why have I had success in my weight loss but not in keeping it off? The answer lies in where we place this DPF part of our lives on our personal hierarchy of needs pyramid.

I will tell you that for the longest time, I put DPF in the category of Esteem Needs. Why? Let's cover the lower levels first. I had all my Level One needs met without needing my DPF to be perfect. My Level Two needs of Safety and Security were not viewed by me as being jeopardized by being fat or thin. All those needs were met also. My Level Three Social Needs were also being met. I am happily married with a great family. No one socially, that I know of, was accepting me or rejecting me because I was a very big person. Everyone told me that I wasn't really THAT big and people accepted me for who I was. I also had the ability to laugh about my size and didn't take offense if people said I was big, fat, heavy...whatever. My Social Needs were filled without the need for my DPF to be perfect. I had, at that point in my life, decided to put my DPF issues on Level Four, the Esteem Level.

My personal reasons for putting DPF on Level Four were based on some observations that I had in my personal life. I noticed that many times in my life, I had tried to obtain jobs and move to a higher level of career status. The ONLY times I had ever been hired and obtained the next level successfully, was when I was thin. When I was large, I never got the job. Not once. Based on this, I had coupled my DPF with Career Success. Let me state for the record that in the last 3 to 4 years, I have been relatively happy with my current job. That said, I think I am ready to try some new things in my life. The fact that I am pretty happy and feel somewhat secure had me toying with the idea of improving my DPF and getting thin. But I wasn't that serious. Also, with DPF at Level Four in the chart, anything that could disrupt the first three levels became a priority and would derail the DPF goal. It just wasn't as important as other things.

Then something happened. My physical security was threatened. I was experiencing physical ailments that I hadn't before and needed to take drugs to counteract them. There was an inability to enjoy certain activities with my kids and family without feeling like I was hurting myself or holding them back. Without knowing it at the time (or thinking about it quite this way), I made the decision to move my DPF to a Level Two Personal Safety concern. Once I did that, things in my life pertinent to dieting changed to what they are today. I now view them as a safety and soundness issue in my life. My DPF today comes before a lot of other things in my life.

My theory is this: How you achieve the things in your life is determined by where you as a person put them on your own individual hierarchy of needs. You have to take a real personal assessment of the things in your life and then look close at where you put them. Some things make sense. Some things do not. There may be conflicts that cause life events to be at issue for you. Also, and very important to my theory, is that you can move things in your life from one location on the pyramid to another. It is not easy to just "do". It takes a strong degree of self-realization and self-awareness. It also may require something very serious to affect your life and force this change. But it IS possible.

As an illustration of this, let's explore a subject that people have differing values about in terms of their placement in the personal hierarchy of needs. There are many people in this world that put their Career Aspirations in the Safety and Soundness box on Level Two. For them, something in their lives convinced them it deserved this position. Something in their upbringing or personal experience has supported this placement. As a result, the Social Need things (the Level where most people put 'family and friends') take a back seat to work. This causes conflict not because this person has put Career in the "wrong place" but because their placement of it is so at odds with the majority of society. In many societies, take Japan and China for example, it is expected that the Male personal hierarchy chart look just this way! The Female hierarchy chart in these societies, however, puts Career at the Fourth Level if even giving it a position at all. So the Female hierarchy chart has Family as a priority before Career. In that way, these societies have determined that you may be able to optimize both Career and Family within a family unit. It is highly dependent on a family structure (husband and wife) being stable and that that structure is acceptable to both husband and wife. I am sure there are conflicts that arise because of this societal norm.

So, based on all this theory, what motivates Kirstie Alley (or any of us)?

What Motivates Kirstie Alley - Part Three

Motivation (Part 1): What Motivates Kirstie Alley?

Kirstie Alley is fat again. I know, I was really upset too. Distraught is actually a better word. She was real thin in the early 80's when she was in Star Trek 'Wrath of Khan.' She had her first televised weight issues when she was on 'Cheers.' She started out thin and then became bigger in front of our eyes while hanging out with Sam Malone and Norm and Cliff. Then, for some reason, she lost the extra weight and went back to her svelt self. Now, why did she do that? Did she worry about losing her job? Did the public criticism get to her? Was she afraid Sam would love Diane Chambers instead? Was it just the cameras? We all know they add ten lbs. Why did she lose it? These stars we watch regularly are always so concerned with appearance that when they lose weight, no one questions it...unless of course it becomes extreme like Nicole Richie or Tori Spelling. We have come to expect our stars to be thin and in shape. So in 2005, Kirstie lost 75 lbs and became a part of the Jenny Craig diet movement. Sans her weight, she went on Oprah in a bikini. Personally, I thought the 75 lbs was admirable. I also thought she should have dropped another 50 before she jammed herself into the XXL Victoria's Secret. It really seemed a bit premature to be sporting those thighs on stage.

Of course, to show herself off, she picked The Oprah Winfrey Show. Oprah is the biggest 'enabler' on television. She will applaud any cause...especially if it has to do with weight. Kirstie (and I refer to her by first name because, through the tabloids, I feel as though we are personal friends) went on Oprah in 2005 when she lost the weight and, last week, she went back on Oprah to say the weight had come back. This poor woman. By all evidence known to man, it was a sneak attack.

There she was, going into her refrigerator for the apple and celery sticks. She innocently opened the freezer looking for some ice cubes. As she reached for the tray, the Haagen Daaz Cherry Vanilla morphed into a big hand and pulled her into the Half Gallon container...where she built a home...for the next 18 months.

The diet that I used to lose my 80 lbs was the Optifast diet. Oprah made that diet famous by using it to lose a remarkable amount of weight...just like many of the serious dieters who go on that diet. But Oprah, as we all know, put that weight back on. Again, this rebound is similar to those on Optifast or ANY diet for that matter. The rebound syndrome is something that we all have to face. Point of fact, "the rebound syndrome" is the REAL battle not "losing the weight." For those of us who have lost weight and put it back on, this is crystal clear. We have been successful losing weight, but not in keeping it off. Doesn't it make sense then that our goal should be to "stay thin", not "lose weight?"

So there Kirstie was last week with Oprah. She wants to lose the weight again. My last blog entry (before the Celtics) addressed the things that drive us to lose weight. I read and re-read my own writings again and again. I was missing something. So I did some research on the subject of motivation. There are surprisingly few books and research studies on the subject. There are many books on how to motivate yourself to do something. There are many on why we don't do things the things we should. There are many on the things we do to sabotage ourselves. But there are very few that explain what motivates us to do the things we do.

I was not looking for motives for dieting...I was looking for that THING in all of us that drives us to do anything at all. What drives us to get out of bed in the morning? What drives us to eat X for breakfast instead of Y? What makes you work longer hours at work to be successful? What got Michael Jordan to go outside and shoot a basketball for so long that he became the best player the game has ever seen? There has to be an answer...and I was looking for it. The real trick to dieting successfully and having your physical condition be a driving force in your life centers around the answer to this question. Why are some people successfully staying vibrant and thin and others successful at being obese? Why are others losing and gaining so much?

What motivates the Kirstie Alley's of the world?

What Motivates Kirstie Alley - Part Two