P90X: "Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall..." Day 5 of 90

Hard.  The first four days of P90X have been hard.  Tough exercises.  Muscles that I didn’t know I had were burnt to a crisp.  Waking up sore.  A stinking head cold.  I kind of expected this.  I hoped it would be easy, but I was realistically expecting this.  I had been hoping for "easy" the same way you hoped as a kid for that special Christmas present that you know is completely sold out and nowhere to be found.  My body is reminding me of one thing though, I am NOT a kid anymore.

But!  Yes, BUT!  There is a “BUT” here.  You know what else is hard?  Ah hah, on only day five I looked in the mirror this AM and I am noticing that there are areas in my shoulders and upper chest that are looking oddly different.  Not like the Incredible Hulk or anything, just a bit more sculpted than I have seen in quite some time.  A couple of veins have surfaced.  Could it be that there is blood pumping through them for the first time in years?

I take the train every morning into Boston and there is a steep set of stairs I have to go up to get to the train platform.  I typically go up two steps at a time with a skip in my step…but today the sensation felt different.  There was an ease to it that I haven’t felt before.  Maybe it was an increased stability because muscles are being honed in some new places.  Maybe I just feel better because I am not sore in the legs and butt this morning… but I don’t think so.  I am pretty in tune with my body and how it feels/reacts.  Today is different.   Today is one of those days that will give you a vision into where you are going on this journey and why you are doing it.  I feel stronger.  It’s working.

I read a comment online the other day from a woman who was describing a past relationship with a boyfriend she had who was very into working out.  She wrote about how it bothered her tremendously that he obsessed over his body.  He talked all the time about what he ate and he would always be looking in the mirror to see how he looked.  She wrote with such bitter tones.  It was as though she wished he wanted her more than he wanted his own self-improvement.  On some level, I understood her point.  I also was bothered by it.

I have said, over and over, that getting yourself into shape and keeping it there, especially if you are large and trying to diet, is the most selfishly unselfish thing you will do for yourself.  I so wanted to ask this person how old she was and what kind of physical shape she was in.  How much do you weigh?  Are you fat?  Obese maybe?  I couldn’t though, it would have felt like an attack.  But it would be self-defense really, because I also felt as though she was trying to make me feel bad about wanting to stay as fit as I could.

When I was 17, I spent an entire summer losing 60 lbs.  I created a whole new me.  A me I really liked.  A "me" I liked for maybe the first time.  The one thing that stuck with me was comments from my own mother about, “It's awful, you're always looking in the mirror.”  Yes.  I was.  It was my yardstick.  I looked into that mirror for honest feedback on my progress.  I looked into the mirror for the same reason that I use metrics in business to gauge my progress.  I want to know, every day, how I am doing.  I want to be reinforced that I am doing the right things.  I use it to propel myself to the next level.  The mirror.  The scale.  Your pants or dress size.  All of it is a feedback mechanism that tells you that you are making progress.  Use them all.

I don’t look in the mirror because I am a narcissist.  I look because it tells me something.  I know why I am looking.  There are many who, as you begin to shape the new you, will believe you look because you are admiring what you see.  There is a difference between looking for the results and narcissism.  There are many, who will never attempt the work effort involved, who will think it is the latter.  Don’t buy into their crap.  They are not there when you are sweating.  They won’t hold up your leg.  They are not the ones who consciously think, “Apple or cookie?”  You KNOW why you are doing this.

Don’t be embarrassed or affected about how others feel about your drive, ambition or goals on this endeavor.  They are not the ones working this hard.  They are not the ones fighting the battle.  You are.  Know this much.  When you begin to see results for yourself as you look in your mirror, they can see it too.  You may stop looking in the mirror when you leave the bathroom but they can see you all day long.  You are a reminder to them that they could change if they had the drive.  They, at this point in their journey, do not like that.  They can think whatever they want.  Just do NOT let it stop or slow you down.  Whatever it takes to put yourself into a condition where you are fit, healthy, and most importantly, feeling real good about the person looking back in the mirror…do it.  Do it for you.

In case you haven’t figured it out…I am very passionate about this point.

Tough workout later today…have a great day…you have been earning it.

[later that night]

I did Ab Ripper X first tonight.  I did considerably better than the other night, when I did it last.  I also did the Legs and Back workout.  I found out two things.  First, my legs are in as good, if not better, condition than all the P90X people.  The lunges were done with 25lb weights and I did them without nearly the strain that they did.  And with very good form.  The second thing I found out was that I have the relative upper body strength of a very weak old woman...maybe a strong child.  A lot of my weight is apparently in my legs from all my running and I do not have the same relative mass of upper body muscle.  When I do the pull ups, it is like I am lifting dead weight, and the progress is going to be long and slow.  Que sera sera...I will keep going.  All I can do is look to improve...right?  Goodnight!