P90X: "I Was Obese!" Day 11 of 90

Today, my body sent me a message.  “Sore.”  I didn’t think I would look forward to that, but it was a great thing to feel this AM.  Why?  Because when I did the Arms and Shoulders and the AbRipper X last night, I knew I had given it my all.  I couldn’t lift another thing when I was done.  But I recovered quickly.  So, I was left wondering if I had worked hard enough.  This morning my body said, “Yes, you have.”  So that was great.  Tonight is Yoga X, which I now know is a 90 minute Yoga workout.  Last week I left 20 minutes of it on the floor but not tonight.  Tonight we move onward and upward.

I am reading this book called Ultrametabolism.  It is an excellent book.  I really like it because it tells you a lot about how the body functions and processes everything.  I know a lot about it, but you always learn something more.  It also tells you how you burn fat and use your calories.  I think it feels great to be working this hard on P90X but proper nutrition is essential and understanding the human machine is extremely helpful.

This past weekend, I ran into more people fighting the weight battle.  It isn’t hard really.  Parties tend to bring that out.  Parties have food.  Food brings guilt.  Really overweight and obese people tend to make comments as they guiltily take the food.  Things like, “I’ll do better tomorrow” or “I really worked out hard today.”  My favorite is, “You only go around once, right?”  Right.  I don’t really believe that, but let’s say I did.  If you only have one shot at all this beautiful world has to offer, why spend that shot miserable?

I went to get a slice of cake.  At the table, three people who were pretty big were sitting together.  I grabbed the knife to cut a slice and someone said, “It’s already sliced.”  The pieces were cut into almost three inch by three inch squares.  I just looked at it.  “Not for me it isn’t,” I said with a smile.  I then cut a smaller slice that could be enjoyed but didn’t have to count as a full meal replacement in calories.  Then came the sarcastic remark with a snarl.  Yes, a snarl.  “Why bother?” 

Really?  That kind of remark can only result in a response that is going to be offensive.  I just smiled and said, “I don’t need that much.”  Truly, no one does.  Not after two hours of appetizers and a catered dinner.  I could have just whipped out my iPhone and showed them my before and after shots and say, “Because four years ago, I looked like you.”

That would have been very mean.  Not entirely inappropriate given the comment made to me, but mean.  Even the response I gave felt awkward.  It always sounds preachy.  The further I get from 2008, the more preachy it sounds.  The comments made toward me about being in shape and being careful about what I eat are always judgmental and sometimes even hurtful.  Intentionally. It’s as though, after losing 85 lbs, keeping myself in shape was just the easiest thing in the world.  Actually, it’s the hardest part.  Losing the weight is actually the second hardest thing.  The real battle starts when the weight is gone.  Now what?  Let’s see if you can change permanently.  THAT takes work.  But when people are having a problem, taking the first step, that conversation is just fiction.

What I really wanted to say was something that would be helpful.  Encouraging.

So I heard someone tell a story later about "Jane."  She was sitting next to the person who had made the remark.  "She lost 25 lbs on Weight Watchers but is having a hard time right now."  I can imagine that if you have a weight problem, sitting in front of neatly sliced, 27 cubic inch pieces of white bread, lard and sugar will do that.  The 25 lbs were a great achievement but it was only the beginning of the journey for her.  Weight Watchers is a fine program but there is one thing that I had to ask.  I always ask it.  “Does she exercise?”  I knew the answer already.

“No, she doesn’t like to.”

“She’s plateauing.  Without exercise, her metabolic rate is slowing to adjust to the fuel intake.  Once this happens, she will not make progress, be hungry and be miserable.  The ‘diet’ is doomed.”

When I was on my Optifast Diet, I lost 75-80 lbs in just under 4 months.  It came off at about 5 lbs per week.   I lost another 5 when the diet was over as I started to really exercise and take in enough food to make the physical engine run hotter.  It was a 900 calorie per day diet and there were people on that diet who could not lose weight.  900 calories per DAY.  Every week, you heard the same sob stories.  I would get the same looks of envy and, yes, anger as they could see my program was working.  I knew one thing about their failure…it was almost surely that they did not exercise.  Every diet fails without exercise.  EVERY DIET FAILS WITHOUT EXERCISE.  Even a 900 calorie diet.  Your metabolism slows to accommodate the caloric intake and has no reason not to without exercise.  The lower the calories, the more torturous the diet.

I know what I am talking about.  But as I said, the further I get from being fat, the less credible my story is.  No matter what I say, every large person knows that I am lying and that I found the solution and I am selfishly keeping it to myself.  It’s as though I found some miracle cure and I won’t share it.

Want to know a secret?  I will share it with you today because today is Valentine's Day. I did find the cure.  It’s called exercise.  And even though I am doing P90X right now, that is not the exercise that has helped me keep the weight off.  This is new for me.  All you need to do is some form of physical exertion for 30-40 minutes per day.  That's it.  That and understanding what your body needs and giving that to your body.  That’s all.  But no one will believe it.  I just want to shout at them…

 “I WAS OBESE!”

[later that night]

To my word, I left NO Yoga X on the floor tonight.  Did it all.  Struggle through some of the last leg exercises.  There are definitely some exercises that I kick butt in and some that kick me back.  I can feel improvement in all phases.  To cool down after my 90 mins of YOGA, I did about 25 mins on the treadmill at 4.2mph.  It's a pretty good pace and it looses things up for sleep.

I don't talk about my eating much on this blog.  I pretty much have the same thing every day.  1 cup of Oatmeal with 1 cup of Natural Apple Sauce.  Two cups coffee with skim milk.  Salad at lunch with maybe 2 ounces of chicken and fish...the rest of the salad in greens and olives.  One cup coffee in the afternoon with one 120 cal Nutrigrain bar (that's my sweet).  Shakeology at dinner with one protein bar.  Handfull of nuts about 9:30PM.  That's pretty much it with water all day long.

P90X: "Obsession Versus Addiction" Day 10 of 90

I have been pursuing this P90X project with the same fervor that I pursue anything that I set my sights on.  I work hard at it until I either achieve it, or burn out.  And the burning out isn’t usually an aborted launch…it’s a fiery crash of a rocket that is trying to break the atmosphere.  I am seeing changes in my body that I never thought I would see.  Muscles are showing up in places where I have never seen them in my life.  There is a spot over my hipbone where my abs are creating a separation through definition and I can really feel hipbone on muscle.  I have never hit this zone of physical fitness before.  Never.

As one could imagine, the more progress I see, the more fuel it gives to the effort.

This is all happening primarily due to the exercise regime.  My diet has changed a little, but not materially.  I am doing the Shakeology and protein bar meal replacement for one meal.  But I have been pretty careful about what I eat since I lost my 80 lbs about three to four years ago.  I am, however, exercising more with this P90X than ever.  And I am doing it comfortably in my own home.  I do have a tight focus on the workouts and on completing them.  I also am focused on how they are changing me, both physically and emotionally.

So when I heard this weekend, “When you start something, you always get obsessed with it,” I took pause.  With the untimely death of Whitney Houston, and the growing evidence that it was her demons with addiction that may very well have been her demise, I have been thinking a lot about the thing inside us that drives us to our obsessions or addictions.  I know one thing, I can speculate, but I won’t have a lot of answers.  If I did, I would be a zillionaire with the cure to something that impacts so many people.  So today's blog is me, thinking out loud, with no answers.

Are addictions and obsessions the same thing, just with results that are perceived as either positive or negative?

The only way for me to contemplate this question is through my own eyes and experiences.  I have known addiction and known obsession.  Each has affected my life in some profound way either through personal experience or exposure.

I think that every soul in this life is in search of meaning.  Why am I here and what am I supposed to do?  Some people are very self-aware in this regard.  Other people just go about their lives every day, not asking themselves that question so directly, but doing what they believe is the right path and making choices.  They make choices that feel normal but are really just trying to answer that question.  For some of us, there may be a life changing event( an epiphany of sorts) that opens our eyes to something new and different and we decide to make our ‘meaning’ choices consciously.  For others, that epiphany never comes and they will continue to make choices that feel like they are answering the question, but are somewhat blind without that roadmap.

I believe everyone’s ‘meaning’ is different.  Some of us are seeking personal achievement, some affinity, some to be of help to others, and some are just seeking peace of mind from something causing them stress or pain.  The fact that the goals are so different only confuses how we look at each other and our mutual journeys.  It’s easy to judge from your own set of rules and standards.  But if you looked at the other person’s journey through what THEY are seeking in life, you may draw different conclusions.  I think that for those who are self-aware of the meanings they are trying to pursue in their lives, the vigor is only increased.  Once you know where you think you need to be, you can go full speed ahead…and you can end up in an obsession or addiction.

I think there are ‘signs’ or ‘markers’ along the way that some of us will look at with keen self- awareness.  Those signs aren’t always good ones.  We also see those signs through our own perceptions, so a sign can say the same thing for two people but mean something different to both.  How we react to the signs in our lives is what determines our direction.

If someone's drive for a certain state, ie. release from pressure or a situation that they cannot control, results in them using something which initially helps but then so completely takes over their body that they cannot stop, then the obsession to find relief results in addiction.  There are bodybuilders who are trying for peak condition who get addicted to the drugs that may help them achieve that state. 

Ultimately, I think the initial path to find our meaning, be it achievement of something monumental or simply peace of mind, starts the same way.  It starts with obsession.  The need to find meaning or relief.  If the path is one that comes with destructive behavior (drugs, alcohol, etc.) then you end up with addiction.  I think the key difference is that you can complete a goal you are obsessed about.  You can stop the drive.  To stop an addiction, which is a physical illness, takes something even stronger than obsession to wind your way out of…and it is a battle you can never stop fighting.

So maybe, obsession and addiction are two sides to the same coin. It's just the path to your goal that determines whether you end up in an addiction situation.

Sorry if this is depressing.  I felt like I needed to work this one out.  I don't think my obsession is the same as an addiction...I can stop if I need to.  Addicts have to work harder to stop than the obsessed will ever have to work to achieve their goals.  And that makes all the difference.

Deep thoughts today…sorry.

Arms tonight!!

[later that night]

Okay, the arms are kind of dead.  Did the Ab Ripper first...almost all reps this time....yeah, bring it!  and then did the Arms and Shoulders.  I was better about logging the weight and reps this time...I was more concerned about form and exertion than I was about survival!  I even did the bonus round.  This is really a great program.  I look forward to seeing my progress every single night.  Then my 14 yr old son comes down and watches for a minute and says he would like to start working out.  It's not something he usually does.  He was swimming for a while, but he doesn't compete.  He does fencing.  It was cool to see the interest.  He went over what he thought he could do...but it sounded too fast.  I don't want him to burn it all out in the beginning and get frustrated.  I want him to work up to it, see progress and enjoy the progress.  Let's see how it works out!

P90X: "The Cardio Feels Great This Time" Day 9 of 90

Great workout today.  Again, like yesterday, I have improved based off of how I did last week.  Did ALL the exercises.  Sweat like crazy.  It actually was more comfortable to complete.  I felt so good when I was done that I did 3.5 miles on the treadmill.

I will know more tomorrow when I can zero in on how well I 'heal.'

A comment I heard today was, "When you set your mind on something, you become obsessed with it."  I gave that a lot of thought.  Is it obsessed?  Or is it committed and driven?  Are committed and driven people obsessed with getting to their goals?  If you are not committed and driven to your goals...why set them?  And if you are not going to set goals...what is the intent of your existence?  Not that an existence is hollow without goals...but even if your intent is to just live a happy life, aren't you compelled to create happy situations for yourself?  I guess I view my 'obsession' with achieving my goals as a natural component to setting them.

I just cannot separate the creation of a hard goal from the physical and emotional commitment it takes to do it.  I usually blog a point of view...but tonight I am going to bed in contemplation of the answer for that one.