But isn’t happiness an emotion? Yes, it is. But any emotion is a physical response to a set of circumstances, conscious or unconscious. Did you ever ask someone why they are sad and hear, “I don’t know?” I believe them. They don’t know. But I believe you CAN know.
I have thought a lot about the subject, and even did a little psychology research on the web. I am going to take a shot at this in three consecutive posts. Who am I to think I can define this? How do I know…really. I am chuckling here. It’s my theory…I like to think about this stuff. I also do research and read a lot, so I may have given this more thought than most. I am nobody really. Just like everyone else on this planet, when you think about it. Now I am really chuckling to myself, you just can’t see it.
Warning!! This is my opinion. It may have validity…it may not. If it does anything, I hope it inspires thought and maybe even prompts some debate.
The three parts will be: Priorities, Control, and Growth. And so I begin…
My personal opinion is that the first step to happiness is Priorities. It’s understanding what’s important to you and putting things in the right order. Many approach life without knowing or thinking about what their priorities are. A lot of people do this…I see kids doing it all the time. A lot of people also let other people establish their priorities, and never actually understand what is important to THEM. Bottom line, you have to spend a little time on personal introspection and think about this for yourself.
What matters to you in your life? Not WHO. WHAT matters? WHAT do you need? Every one of us has a unique set of answers. We are all different.
A long time ago, in a Psych 101 class…far, far away…, we all learned about Maslow and his hierarchy of needs. It basically says that we all have needs starting from the most basic (placed at the bottom of the hierarchy pyramid) to the higher level needs (at the top of the pyramid). The only way to get to the top level is to fill, and keep filled, the lower levels. You can’t build a solid house on quicksand, it needs a solid base. The minute we lose a lower level, we have to fill it before we can move on. It’s pretty basic. Old as the hills. Which is why many people think it has merit…so who am I to argue?
The pyramid of human needs (according to Maslow) goes like this, and I am putting this in order from advanced (highest) needs to the most basic so that the pyramid looks right.
5. Self Actualization
4. Esteem
3. Social
2. Safety
1. Physiological
It makes sense when you look at it. The thing I never liked about Maslow’s conceptual theory, though, is that beyond showing these levels, Maslow then defined what things in a person’s life should go on each step. He thought he could tell you what a Safety Need was for you. Or an Esteem Need. What I have found is that there actually is NO set definition for that. Everybody, based on the ‘WHAT matters’ and ‘WHAT do they need’ question, fills these five steps with their own unique way. Everybody’s recipe is different.
People are experiential creatures who perceive their current needs based on their past existence. If you grew up without a roof over your head and little to eat, you may have a heavy focus on just having food and a place to live. But if you have always had those two things, you may never even conceive or consider life without those two items...so they don't get a priority placement. They are simply taken for granted...which can cause issues later (but that is in Part 2). If you have had physical illnesses, being healthy is huge. So, people will define ‘WHAT matters’ based on their own set of priorities, many of which are driven by things they have always perceive they lacked in some way, shape or form.
The pyramid has a logical pattern. How are you filling these levels? WHAT matters to you? What are your priorities and at what level, on this pyramid, do they sit for you?
I believe that each level must be satisfied in order, but the “WHAT matters” answer at each level is the true personal order for you.
I will give you an example of a need that changes steps for different people. Physical fitness. Given today’s society and the statistics on overweight and obesity, I don’t think this is a level one need in most people’s lives. Should it be? It is all over the map for many. If your physical condition is something you take for granted, maybe you don’t have it as a priority at all. If you are an actor and your physical appearance is part of your career, maybe it is in the Esteem level. If your physical condition is thought by you to affect your social situation…maybe you wish certain people found you attractive…it might be a Social level. If you have high cholesterol or blood pressure, it might be Safety, and if you have a heart attack or another life threatening event…it may actually be at level one.
It’s the same for your other needs…maybe you think your career is a Safety need, so you put it there. So, to my point, everyone fills the steps of the pyramid based on their own recipe.
One more thing, the needs you have in your life and the step you put them on can change. Nothing is permanent. Something could drastically alter those priorities. As I stated earlier, we are experiential beings and our current needs stem from our past, which could be as recent as the job you may have lost yesterday.
So, the first step is to know your priorities right now through personal introspection. Think. Dig deep. What is important to you and what is the order of importance. Then put those things on each level. Look at them and understand them. Know they can change.
Most of all, begin to understand the framework and patterns of your life. I think this is the first step to happiness. Every journey has a map and every map has an order of milestones you have to pass to get to your destination. These are the milestones to your map. WHAT matters to you?
TONIGHT’S WORKOUT: Kempo X!!!
TOMORROW’S BLOG:
Finding Happiness, Part 2 - CONTROL
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