P90X: "Finding Happiness, Part 3, Last Part" Day 36 of 90

Again, this is just me writing down my thoughts…and my disclaimer.

Warning!!  This is my opinion.  It may have validity…it may not.  If it does anything, I hope it inspires thought and maybe even prompts some debate.

Part Three: Growth

Part One of my theoretical approach to happiness was priorities.  WHAT do you need in your life and what is its order of precedence?  Which comes first, and which comes last?  Once you have given that a lot of thought, you then have an idea about your personal priorities…and their order.

Part Two was about control.  I believe that one of the foundations of happiness is the amount of control you have over your needs.  If a person has a group of needs being met, but thinks that their list of needs can disappear with a moment’s notice, it is hard to achieve happiness.  The more control you have over your own priorities and needs, the happier you will be.  The better your relationship and standing with those people or organizations that control your other needs, the happier you will be as well.  Control is one of the driving forces of happiness.

The last part of my theory is growth.  Once you know your priorities, you have your map of destinations.  Once you establish that you need to take responsibility and control, you have the wheel and are ‘driving the bus.’  Now, you need to hit the gas pedal.  That’s the last step.

As you make sure your priorities are buttoned up, bottom to top, are you planning the next step to tackle the next available need?  As you look at food, shelter, clothing, safety…what’s next and how are you approaching that?  Are you managing your affinity needs well?  Things like family, friends and business colleagues…are they healthy and where they need to be?  How about career?  Is that where you wanted it to be?  Can it be better?  Are there things you always wanted to learn but never did?

Where is your passion?  Are you shooting for it?

Maybe though, you are at a point where you say, “Enough.”  I am happy right where I am.  I don’t need to move my bus one inch.  I get that one, I really do.  Life is long and the work is hard.  Finally you get to a point where you feel that just sitting down would be nice.

Here is where I have to come clean.  I have to admit that my theory may not work for everyone.  As I said, it’s a theory.  The problem with MY theory is that it comes from me and is based on my own drives and desires.  So, this may not work for everyone. 

My theory, nonetheless, is that we all have to be growing in some way, shape or form.  As humans, we grow.  We evolve.  That is what our existence is about.  I believe that true happiness is accomplished when we are growing in a pattern that fits our priorities and we can credit ourselves with the achievement.  It can be spiritual, emotional, intellectual, or physical…but achieving personal growth is essential to reaching happiness.

When you realize that you want to fill a career need, and you work extra hours or put in time to acquire a new skill, you are growing.  When you work through a personal crisis and you learn that you can survive it and maybe even be better for having endured it, then that is growth.  When you really work to improve your communication skills with your kids, because you know it’s not your strong suit…growth again.

Everyone I have ever met in my life, when telling me of an accomplishment they had, tells me with a smile.  It doesn’t matter if it’s as big as climbing the Matterhorn or whether they just shot a personal best in golf that day at the club.  When people achieve, they beam with pride.  Ever ask someone, “So what’s new?” and then hear, “Oh, Nothing.”  Did that person ever say that with a smile?  Even if you just became a Grandparent for the first time, it may not be something you did personally, but it is something new in your life that will bring new moments and new opportunities…and you are growing a family.

I think that the minute we stop putting challenges in front of ourselves and stop trying to achieve them, we become static.  We lose the ability to really be the drivers of our own happiness.  We then are forced to just sit back and endure all the little things that we have given up control over as they rush towards us.  I can’t be happy doing that.

Maybe everyone else can.  I guess that’s the question to ask yourself.

What does HAPPINESS and P90X have in common?   For me, P90X is my next challenge.  I have found over the past four years that I love reaching for something I didn’t think was possible and then trying to make it happen.  Just the attempts make me happy…because I always know I will give it my all.  I also don’t mind the risks.  Really, what have any of us to lose?  I have always loved learning and new ideas.  I particularly like to try things I know I can be passionate about.  Writing is actually one of those things in the past four or five years.  But right now, P90X is going to occupy the next ten weeks.  I want to see, if applied, if it can work for me.  I know this much, it has so far.

So ends my little dissertation on Happiness.  It’s how I believe it happens.  I would love to know how everyone else approaches happiness.

Thanks for reading along.  Sincerely.

[later that day]

Today I shifted from the P90X Lean workout to the Classic workout.  Did the P90X Chest, Shoulders and Triceps today.  I had the right equipment this time.  I got the pushup bars and had my Frisbee for the sliding pushups on the rug.  I improved over last week definitely…always love to see that improvement.  I did every routine until burnout and once again, the one-handed pushups were not even able to be done.  I did them on my knees and adjusted by holding the wrist of my one pushup arm.  I did, like, three.  I don’t mind having things in here that I cannot do…it’s the work that burns the calories and drives the improvement.  That was my reason for bumping up to this routine.  See you tomorrow!

P90X: "Finding Happiness, Part 2" Day 35 of 90

Again, just to repeat yesterday’s Introduction to this…

I like challenges.  I like when I have to work to see if I can do something, whether that something is put in front of me by me or by someone else.  This challenge is my own.  I don’t know why, but lately I have been asking myself a lot, “Why is it that some people are happy, and others are not?”  In order to answer that question, the next obvious question is, “What makes someone happy?”  Because I don’t think there are people in this world who are sad…I think there are people who have an absence of happiness.

But isn’t happiness an emotion?  Yes, it is.  But any emotion is a physical response to a set of circumstances, conscious or unconscious.  Did you ever ask someone why they are sad and hear, “I don’t know?”  I believe them.  They don’t know.  But I believe you CAN know.

I have thought a lot about the subject, and even did a little psychology research on the web.  I am going to take a shot at this in three consecutive posts.  Who am I to think I can define this?  How do I know…really.  I am chuckling here.  It’s my theory…I like to think about this stuff.  I also do research and read a lot, so I may have given this more thought than most.  I am nobody really.  Just like everyone else on this planet, when you think about it.  Now I am really chuckling to myself, you just can’t see it.

Warning!!  This is my opinion.  It may have validity…it may not.  If it does anything, I hope it inspires thought and maybe even prompts some debate.

Part Two:  Control

Part One of my theoretical approach to happiness was priorities.  WHAT do you need in your life and what is its order of precedence?  Which comes first, and which comes last?  Once you have given that a lot of thought, you then have an idea about your personal priorities.

Part Two is about control.  I believe that one of the foundations of happiness is the amount of control you have over your needs.  If a person has a group of needs being met, but thinks that their list of needs can disappear with a moment’s notice, it is hard to achieve happiness.  Reread that last sentence.  I used the word ‘thinks.’  If a person ‘thinks’ their list of fulfilled needs can disappear.  I believe this perception accounts for much of the happiness or unhappiness in the world.  Control is one of the driving forces of happiness.

If the most basic needs of food and shelter are being provided by someone else and are out of your control, the only way you can be happy is to be able to trust that whoever is providing for you will do so consistently.  After that, you can move on to fulfilling your next need.  If YOU are primarily providing food and shelter through a stable job and routine income, then you feel more in control.  If someone else is providing those things, you need to focus on maintaining that relationship.  That becomes the foundation for fulfilling the primary need.  If that relationship or support is tenuous, then your control, and resulting happiness, will be less.

The extent to which you control the fulfillment of your own needs will affect how happy you are.

This concept of control is easily explained at the lower levels, but what about when you get to Social needs?  You can’t really control your friendships and relationships…can you?  Yes, you can.  You have choice.  They are not easy choices as they all involve personalities and emotions.

How were your social relationships formed?  Did you go out and find friends or did they find you?  Are you in the social circles you are in because other things in your life just kind of dropped you there?  Do you feel like an important part of that circle…are you actually welcome in it?  You can control how this works in your own life.  The best book I have ever read on this is ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People.’  I even made my kids read it.  It is a great primer on acquiring and maintaining your social relationships.

Socially, there are also things like family situations that carry assumed etiquettes and protocols…like holiday visits where you ‘have’ to be together.  There are work situations that may need to be endured because the job is needed for you to control the most primary of your needs. 

This is meant to be a short set of thoughts, so there is no real room to go into family and social dynamics.  Just ask yourself the question, “Who controls what goes on in the Social areas of my life?”  Am I choosing or am I letting others dictate this for me?  If the answer to that question is that others are responsible for whether or not that need is being met, it may affect how secure you are in meeting that need.  It will affect your overall happiness.

Social needs become so complex that many actually will say, when choosing the order of their personal needs, they come after such needs as money and success.  Money and success are typically needs which go with career type needs…but this is an example of how your priorities may dictate your needs hierarchy.

So in the end, my theory is that it all comes down to control.  The more control you have over your own needs, the happier you will be.  There will always be something that can pierce that veil of perception you have about how well you are controlling things, but for the most part, control over these things can better dictate how generally happy you are.

Tomorrow…growth and how it makes the final determinant of your happiness.

Workout schedule…

Today is my off-day.  We launched our bank today, http://www.smarterbank.com

Also had a company celebration.  Didn’t do a damn thing for P90X except try to keep all snacking as clean eating.  Tomorrow, I upgrade my P90X from Lean to the more rigorous Classic.  Will let you know how it goes!

P90X: "Finding Happiness, Part 1" Day 34 of 90

I like challenges.  I like when I have to work to see if I can do something, whether that something is put in front of me by me or by someone else.  This challenge is my own.  I don’t know why, but lately I have been asking myself a lot, “Why is it that some people are happy, and others are not?”  In order to answer that question, the next obvious question is, “What makes someone happy?”  Because I don’t think there are people in this world who are sad…I think there are people who have an absence of happiness.

But isn’t happiness an emotion?  Yes, it is.  But any emotion is a physical response to a set of circumstances, conscious or unconscious.  Did you ever ask someone why they are sad and hear, “I don’t know?”  I believe them.  They don’t know.  But I believe you CAN know.

I have thought a lot about the subject, and even did a little psychology research on the web.  I am going to take a shot at this in three consecutive posts.  Who am I to think I can define this?  How do I know…really.  I am chuckling here.  It’s my theory…I like to think about this stuff.  I also do research and read a lot, so I may have given this more thought than most.  I am nobody really.  Just like everyone else on this planet, when you think about it.  Now I am really chuckling to myself, you just can’t see it.

Warning!!  This is my opinion.  It may have validity…it may not.  If it does anything, I hope it inspires thought and maybe even prompts some debate.

The three parts will be: Priorities, Control, and Growth.  And so I begin…

My personal opinion is that the first step to happiness is Priorities.  It’s understanding what’s important to you and putting things in the right order.  Many approach life without knowing or thinking about what their priorities are.  A lot of people do this…I see kids doing it all the time.  A lot of people also let other people establish their priorities, and never actually understand what is important to THEM.  Bottom line, you have to spend a little time on personal introspection and think about this for yourself.  

What matters to you in your life?  Not WHO.  WHAT matters?  WHAT do you need?  Every one of us has a unique set of answers.  We are all different.

A long time ago, in a Psych 101 class…far, far away…, we all learned about Maslow and his hierarchy of needs.  It basically says that we all have needs starting from the most basic (placed at the bottom of the hierarchy pyramid) to the higher level needs (at the top of the pyramid).  The only way to get to the top level is to fill, and keep filled, the lower levels.  You can’t build a solid house on quicksand, it needs a solid base.  The minute we lose a lower level, we have to fill it before we can move on.  It’s pretty basic.  Old as the hills.  Which is why many people think it has merit…so who am I to argue?

The pyramid of human needs (according to Maslow) goes like this, and I am putting this in order from advanced (highest) needs to the most basic so that the pyramid looks right.

5. Self Actualization

4. Esteem

3. Social

2. Safety

1. Physiological

It makes sense when you look at it.  The thing I never liked about Maslow’s conceptual theory, though, is that beyond showing these levels, Maslow then defined what things in a person’s life should go on each step.  He thought he could tell you what a Safety Need was for you.  Or an Esteem Need.  What I have found is that there actually is NO set definition for that.  Everybody, based on the ‘WHAT matters’ and ‘WHAT do they need’ question, fills these five steps with their own unique way.  Everybody’s recipe is different. 

People are experiential creatures who perceive their current needs based on their past existence.  If you grew up without a roof over your head and little to eat, you may have a heavy focus on just having food and a place to live.  But if you have always had those two things, you may never even conceive or consider life without those two items...so they don't get a priority placement.  They are simply taken for granted...which can cause issues later (but that is in Part 2).  If you have had physical illnesses, being healthy is huge.  So, people will define ‘WHAT matters’ based on their own set of priorities, many of which are driven by things they have always perceive they lacked in some way, shape or form.

The pyramid has a logical pattern.  How are you filling these levels?  WHAT matters to you?  What are your priorities and at what level, on this pyramid, do they sit for you?

I believe that each level must be satisfied in order, but the “WHAT matters” answer at each level is the true personal order for you.

I will give you an example of a need that changes steps for different people.   Physical fitness.  Given today’s society and the statistics on overweight and obesity, I don’t think this is a level one need in most people’s lives.  Should it be?  It is all over the map for many.  If your physical condition is something you take for granted, maybe you don’t have it as a priority at all.  If you are an actor and your physical appearance is part of your career, maybe it is in the Esteem level.  If your physical condition is thought by you to affect your social situation…maybe you wish certain people found you attractive…it might be a Social level.  If you have high cholesterol or blood pressure, it might be Safety, and if you have a heart attack or another life threatening event…it may actually be at level one.

It’s the same for your other needs…maybe you think your career is a Safety need, so you put it there.  So, to my point, everyone fills the steps of the pyramid based on their own recipe.

One more thing, the needs you have in your life and the step you put them on can change.  Nothing is permanent.  Something could drastically alter those priorities.  As I stated earlier, we are experiential beings and our current needs stem from our past, which could be as recent as the job you may have lost yesterday.

So, the first step is to know your priorities right now through personal introspection.  Think.  Dig deep.  What is important to you and what is the order of importance.  Then put those things on each level.  Look at them and understand them.  Know they can change.

Most of all, begin to understand the framework and patterns of your life.  I think this is the first step to happiness.  Every journey has a map and every map has an order of milestones you have to pass to get to your destination.  These are the milestones to your map.  WHAT matters to you?

TONIGHT’S WORKOUT: Kempo X!!!

TOMORROW’S BLOG:  Finding Happiness, Part 2 - CONTROL