I like challenges. I
like when I have to work to see if I can do something, whether that something
is put in front of me by me or by someone else.
This challenge is my own. I don’t
know why, but lately I have been asking myself a lot, “Why is it that some
people are happy, and others are not?”
In order to answer that question, the next obvious question is, “What
makes someone happy?” Because I don’t
think there are people in this world who are sad…I think there are people who
have an absence of happiness.
But isn’t happiness an emotion? Yes, it is.
But any emotion is a physical response to a set of circumstances,
conscious or unconscious. Did you ever
ask someone why they are sad and hear, “I don’t know?” I believe them. They don’t know. But I believe you CAN know.
I have thought a lot about the subject, and even did a
little psychology research on the web. I
am going to take a shot at this in three consecutive posts. Who am I to think I can define this? How do I know…really. I am chuckling here. It’s my theory…I like to think about this
stuff. I also do research and read a
lot, so I may have given this more thought than most. I am nobody really. Just like everyone else on this planet, when
you think about it. Now I am really
chuckling to myself, you just can’t see it.
Warning!! This is my
opinion. It may have validity…it may
not. If it does anything, I hope it
inspires thought and maybe even prompts some debate.
Part Two: Control
Part One of my theoretical approach to happiness was
priorities. WHAT do you need in your
life and what is its order of precedence?
Which comes first, and which comes last?
Once you have given that a lot of thought, you then have an idea about
your personal priorities.
Part Two is about control.
I believe that one of the foundations of happiness is the amount of
control you have over your needs. If a
person has a group of needs being met, but thinks that their list of needs can
disappear with a moment’s notice, it is hard to achieve happiness. Reread that last sentence. I used the word ‘thinks.’ If a person ‘thinks’ their list of fulfilled
needs can disappear. I believe this
perception accounts for much of the happiness or unhappiness in the world. Control is one of the driving forces of
happiness.
If the most basic needs of food and shelter are being
provided by someone else and are out of your control, the only way you can be
happy is to be able to trust that whoever is providing for you will do so
consistently. After that, you can move
on to fulfilling your next need. If YOU
are primarily providing food and shelter through a stable job and routine
income, then you feel more in control.
If someone else is providing those things, you need to focus on
maintaining that relationship. That
becomes the foundation for fulfilling the primary need. If that relationship or support is tenuous,
then your control, and resulting happiness, will be less.
The extent to which you control the fulfillment of your own
needs will affect how happy you are.
This concept of control is easily explained at the lower
levels, but what about when you get to Social needs? You can’t really control your friendships and
relationships…can you? Yes, you
can. You have choice. They are not easy choices as they all involve
personalities and emotions.
How were your social relationships formed? Did you go out and find friends or did they find
you? Are you in the social circles you
are in because other things in your life just kind of dropped you there? Do you feel like an important part of that
circle…are you actually welcome in it?
You can control how this works in your own life. The best book I have ever read on this is
‘How to Win Friends and Influence People.’
I even made my kids read it. It
is a great primer on acquiring and maintaining your social relationships.
Socially, there are
also things like family situations that carry assumed etiquettes and protocols…like
holiday visits where you ‘have’ to be together.
There are work situations that may need to be endured because the job is
needed for you to control the most primary of your needs.
This is meant to be a short set of thoughts, so there is no
real room to go into family and social dynamics. Just ask yourself the question, “Who controls
what goes on in the Social areas of my life?”
Am I choosing or am I letting others dictate this for me? If the answer to that question is that others
are responsible for whether or not that need is being met, it may affect how
secure you are in meeting that need. It
will affect your overall happiness.
Social needs become so complex that many actually will say,
when choosing the order of their personal needs, they come after such needs as
money and success. Money and success are
typically needs which go with career type needs…but this
is an example of how your priorities may dictate your needs hierarchy.
So in the end, my theory is that it all comes down to
control. The more control you have over
your own needs, the happier you will be.
There will always be something that can pierce that veil of perception
you have about how well you are controlling things, but for the most part,
control over these things can better dictate how generally happy you are.
Tomorrow…growth and how it makes the final determinant of
your happiness.
Workout schedule…
Today is my off-day.
We launched our bank today, http://www.smarterbank.com
Also had a company celebration. Didn’t do a damn thing for P90X except try to
keep all snacking as clean eating.
Tomorrow, I upgrade my P90X from Lean to the more rigorous Classic. Will let you know how it goes!
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